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Hi guys. Sorry to bore you, but I just had to vent. Makes me feel better. Especially when it's to a heap of anonymous friends. It makes it much easier.

I am trying not to abuse the meds which I am currently getting from our very good friend M. It would be so easy to take 10 Stilnox as soon as I wake in the morning so I can sleep the day away and not think of anything. However, thanks to my daughter, I have to keep myself at least looking strong so she knows that she will always be able to lean on her dad, no matter what.

These anti-anxiety meds are a God send, but try and get them from a GP legit, and they put you through the 3rd degree, in case you go home and try and kill yourself. That's why I appreciate so much the services of M. Just say, receive, and take when needed. No judging, nothing.

To make matters worse, I suffer from SAD (Seasonal Associative Disorder). Every Autumn and winter, I get depressed because of the dark days, short days, cold days, etc, etc. To top it off this morning, it was pissing down and I know I had to do something to keep my daughter occupied for the day.

I'll tell her when more appropriate, but SHE is my rock. I pretend that I am hers and don't show a lot of emotions in front of her, but without that little girl, I would be a constant mess. She wanted to go visit mums grave today and even in the rain, she would not be put off. She made her mum, homemade cards, "I love you", "I miss you". etc. and grew some flowers in our own garden just for mum.

It has made me realise how precious life is and how we all tend to 'sweat the small stuff'. You stuck in traffic and late for an appt.,? you got a flat tyre on your way to a meeting?, you feel crap because you are getting a fever?, so f***ing what!!!!!!!

Forgive my corny advice, but everyone give their loved ones a hug when you get home tonight and tell them how much they mean to you. They'll probably think your mad, but believe me, you'll be glad you did, even if nothing happens.

Love each other. Stop arguments before they happen. Be a better person. It's easy for me to say because I have just gone through the toughest period of my life, but LOVE EACH OTHER. PLEASE.

Thanks Fireplaces. I'd like to reply more personally when time permits. Thank you for your kind words, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, and please forgive me for my having the time at the moment to reply properly. I'll do so soon. Thank you.

Hi Clubb,

Your daughter sounds lovely. I think making things like cards is really admirable as it stops kids from simply being little consumers! I don't have kids, but I have nieces and nephews. Sometimes it helps me to way to watch them exploring the world. I think of them and allow myself to be child-like (not childish, that's usually bad!). It is so easy to be cynical, but to create fun/joy and share it with people is the most wonderful thing you can do.

I hope you are in the part of the world where your SAD is coming to an end.

All the best,
barq

Thanks guys. I know I said I"d get back to you with more info, but I simply don't feel like talking. Don't feel like answering the door or phone. It sucks. It's as if life has disappeared and my daughter and I are starting again. I have tears hitting the keyboard as I type. My daughter has a wonderful group of friends and relatives and is with her best friend at the moment.

As my wife was Italian, I married into a HUGE Italian family. There is no shortage of help and/or love. I know this sounds ignorant, but I don't want their help. I just want my small family back together. I want my wife back. Because the most of the Italians wear black, it just reminds my daughter. I hate it. I can understand their tradition, but for f sake, wear some colour around the kids.

I'm going to take my daughter on a holiday if she wants it. I don't care where and I don't care how long. I also don't care if she wants to take a friend or relative as some are very, very close to her. I will be asking her first. Maybe she will not want to leave mum, but at least I'll give her the chance.

Sorry guys. All I wanna do is lay down and sleep. I wish sleep was an escape, but in the event that I do sleep for a couple of hours, it's full of horrible dreams. Sorry guys, really not in the mood to talk, but thank you so much for being there.

(06-11-2016, 05:08 AM)Clubb Wrote: [ -> ]Thanks guys. I know I said I"d get back to you with more info, but I simply don't feel like talking. Don't feel like answering the door or phone. It sucks. It's as if life has disappeared and my daughter and I are starting again. I have tears hitting the keyboard as I type. My daughter has a wonderful group of friends and relatives and is with her best friend at the moment.

As my wife was Italian, I married into a HUGE Italian family. There is no shortage of help and/or love. I know this sounds ignorant, but I don't want their help. I just want my small family back together. I want my wife back. Because the most of the Italians wear black, it just reminds my daughter. I hate it. I can understand their tradition, but for f sake, wear some colour around the kids.

I'm going to take my daughter on a holiday if she wants it. I don't care where and I don't care how long. I also don't care if she wants to take a friend or relative as some are very, very close to her. I will be asking her first. Maybe she will not want to leave mum, but at least I'll give her the chance.

Sorry guys. All I wanna do is lay down and sleep. I wish sleep was an escape, but in the event that I do sleep for a couple of hours, it's full of horrible dreams. Sorry guys, really not in the mood to talk, but thank you so much for being there.

Clubb,

Sorry for your loss.  I've lost loved ones.  I can only tell you my experience.  I think people have always lost ones they loved.  The immediate impact is overwhelming.  Grieving is something humans have experience with.  Give yourself time.  For me, grieving was a process of remembering and forgetting.  If we could not adjust to the loss, we would all eventually just drop dead from the trauma. 

I think the mind and heart have a way of dealing, at least for me.  When my mom recently died, it was like I died.  I couldn't get it out of my mind or my dreams.  Then, given time, I would not just think about her passing.  I would be washing dishes or TV, and a mundane thought would cross my mind, something about the living world, a commercial, a bird on the lawn.  First I felt guilty for forgetting for a moment, but that is part of returning to the world.  Doesn't mean you are forgetting them, only that you are remembering you are still here.  That's grieving, doesn't take a class or a group, as humans we have learned to hold on and let go.  Trust in that.  You treasure your daughter, and that helps.  Grieving is a process of remembering and forgetting, and allowing the world back into you.  Give it time and the weight on your heart will lessen. 

It's a part of living, and we are all with you.

best, Spanky

HI Clubb,

I just logged on today for the first time in quite a while, and I am very sad for you. I think it's fair to say many here share in your sadness, and wish we could take even a small part of your pain and suffering away from you. 

I'm so sorry for your terrible loss. Bless you.

Hello Clubb. I am so sorry for your loss. You are a great Dad. That is so important, because your daughter needs you now more than ever!

My heart goes out to you.

You have my condolences but also my respect my friend. 

There is some fantastic advice at the end about trying not to sweat the small stuff.  Something I am guilty of far too often. It sounds like your daughter is very lucky to have such a great dad. 

Thanks so much all. Leesus83, Willie33, Revolution, Spanky, Barq, Fireplaces. Thanks so much.

Good Morning Clubb!

I totally empathise with you hun, I too had a big loss a few months back.  I've been reading this thread, every now and then. It even brought a tear to my eye at times.  Stay well my friend, as they say; it might seem like it will always feel like this, but change ALWAYS comes with time...trust me it does get easier.

Big-Love,  my heart goes out too you. ❤

Izzy xx

P.s.Can I just say: There are some truly fantastic people in this community!!