Hi all,
I guess this is just a question for the ladies, so sorry guys
. After having a baby 8 months ago, I noticed my hormones were all out of whack, which is common. Mostly it came in the form of weepiness, crying because I loved the baby so much, she is growing so fast, my struggles to breastfeed, etc. But, it was manageable. Around the same time as Daylight Savings Time, which was about the same time my milk dried up and my periods came back, I started getting really depressed. During "that time of the month," it's almost completely unmanagable due to pain and depression. Lately, I am getting to my wit's end, and (sorry if this is triggering), called a suicide hotline.
The problem is my position was eliminated while I was on maternity leave (they of course kept the man whom I outperformed by leaps and bounds, but the CEO is a sexist pig). I am the breadwinner and held our insurance. Now, we are on Medicaid, so I am not sure what to do. I don't want a doc to throw anti-depressants at me, as they can have bad withdrawals. I am 35 and want to have another baby, so I am reluctant to go on birth control and mess with my fertility at my "advanced maternal age." I think my issue is entirely hormone related, and I want to get my hormones tested, but not sure I will be able to find that on our crappy insurance.
Sorry about the long, rambling backstory. My real question is, if you had PPD, what worked for you? My regular self-care stuff (meditation, exercise, healthy diet, etc.) isn't doing it, and I think my problem is medical. Wish my husband saw it that way; he thinks I just need to change my attitude. But what he doesn't understand is I know how lucky we are to have a healthy baby and, compared to so many people, a great life, but I have a constant lump in my throat and weight in my chest. No rhyme or reason for it. I feel like I have constant PMS times 1,000.
Again, sorry for the rambly, oversharing post. I just feel like this community is so nonjudgmental and family-like, so I thought I would throw this out there to see if anyone had a similar experience and what worked.
Hi Batgirl.
Reading your post made me hope that you get many answers.
Please hang on.
Also how can they get away with eliminating your job due to being on maternity leave ....I thought that was against federal laws.....hmmmm
Maybe a free consult with a lawyer is needed.
So members reading Batgirls post please chime in and give her a hand, please.
Thank you for sharing your situation Batgirl I am sure you eill get some ideas .
Sounds more than harsh getting to lose your job because you had a baby,hope you start to get better soon,as Linville said if it is against federal laws losing your job for having your baby then get some legal advice,no doubt theres stuff on the net on the subject.
Hope some of the women here can offer some helpful advice for you.
Thanks so much for your help, all. I do appreciate it. I do take the occasional benzo but since I have been through withdrawal from them after daily (prescribed) use, I know to be careful. Interesting point about tricyclic ADs, as I took trazodone for insomnia during pregnancy.
Unfortunately, what my job did is completely legal, as they eliminated my position "due to business restructuring." As for selecting me and not the man, he had seniority, and they can use whatever criteria they want to decide who to cut. I've talked to attorneys who suggested filing an EEOC grievance, but it is terribly involved and requires a 2 hour in-person office visit which, as a stay at home mom with an infant, I can't really do. So, not exactly fair, but them's the breaks. A LOT of women I know have had this happen to them. America's workplaces are entirely family unfriendly, especially for women.
Again, thanks for your help.
Hello Batgirl. Congratulations for been a mother. You are blessed and it is unethical and against the federal law to eliminate your job while on maternity leave. Do not be sad , instead be strong and my advise is first of all to have an appointment with a psychologist and make an preliminary assessment of your situation. It helps a lot as it is not a straight doctor apointment and you can feel more free and relaxed . If there is a good reason to see a psychiatrist then you can have a new appointment and evaluate further your status in case you will need a specific medication or something medical. Postpartum depression or blues is more common that you may think up to 1 in 7 new mothers may experience symptoms. You can start with the following APA web site help center
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/contact.aspx and see how it goes.
Hi Batgirl
Have you discontinued the trazodone? It is an older Tricyclic AD (I think) and you could be experiencing the backlash of stopping abruptly.
Post partum depression is serious. Antidepressants aren't the worse thing you could take.
Please see a doctor. Congratulations on the healthy baby. I'm sorry your employer did you the way they did. That sucks.
post partum depression is very real. we never really understood anything about it. listen to what a doctor suggests and then research it. but, it is very real.
it absolutely sucks that they terminated you from work. yes, it is illegal, but so was firing women too old to work in their opinion. age discrimination.
u put in such hours. u were an absolute asset to ur firm.
What creeps. I do know that by having a young child, u will be able to get more from medicaid. Get all ur options. Food stamps, heating help. Maybe section eight housing.
You may find an attorney, or meet one at public defenders office. But, the employers lie and alter records and have screwed an enormous amount of people in the last couple years.
Further, if u win, and receive your job back, it usually sux to be around those people again.
In a perfect world, you would be financially recompensated for what they have done.
I am so sorry. My God, u r a terrific worker. You put in all the extra hours. Maybe via work you will be able to file some sort of charges.
I certainly hope so. It is immoral and used to be illegal. I don't think the Courts really care any more about regular people.
It is true, that since u have been away from work for such a short time, it will be easier to achieve a new job. And, you are still quite young. And u surely have the work ethic.
I am so sorry. This world stinks and the bad guys can get away with quite a lot.
May u win this battle or the job of your choice. So sorry.
Batgirl,
You have been on my mind since you posted about post partum depression and I posted on the run yesterday.
This is an online support group that might help..
http://www.ppdsupportpage.com/
We are always here for you, though.
Hope this helps.
It is always on my mind that batgirl can win her old boss or she can find a public defender to suit those bad guys in order to get a compansation. I agree with you Charon if batgirl wins her old job she will be bulied by those nasty people just for revenge. But may I ask Charon if it is possible to try to find a way for batgirl to get a financial compensation ? Can she get protection by theFMLA of 1993 law or pregnancy discrimination act ? And if they alter job records they can not alter their IRS records , if they do so they may get a complaint and a fine. I dont know legal rights in USA exactly but if her firm had a contract with a US state that required it to follow anti-discrimination laws, including Title VII she may have a chance to win. After all there must be justice for all, and the best way to make bad people win is to do nothing.
Thanks so much for the support, everyone! I am really touched. It's so nice to feel like people care, even if I don't know them in person.
As for the trazodone question, I rarely take it now. For the most part, my baby sleeps through the night, but she is an early riser and occasionally wakes up from teething pain, so I can't be knocked out. Also, if she is having a bad teething day or sick, we co-sleep, and safety regulations for co-sleeping prohibit use of sleep medications.
Unfortunately, I got free consultations with several employment attorneys, and they say I really have no legal recourse. I'm in an at-will state. They have justification for eliminating my position ("business restructuring") and selecting me rather than the man (he has been with the company longer, even though I have documentation to show I produced nearly double what he did). It's likely he made less money than I did, as in order to lure me, they had to pay me over the top of my pay grade. The CEO is just a sexist pig, and my boss quit (because of him), with her last day being the day I left on maternity leave. Had she been there, I'm sure the other guy, and not I, would have been canned. They didn't even give me severance. those bastards. What I was told was that they can't rehire for my job for something like 18 months, or even have other employees take on my duties. I am still good friends with someone who works there and would frankly love to see the company get sued and the CEO canned, so she is looking out to see if anyone is taking on my responsibilities.
Sadly, Nickolyko, this happens more often than you would think. The US is horribly stingy on maternity leave, one of the stingiest in the world, and the protections for people who take it aren't great. No wonder the birth rate is dropping. Between that and the cost of childcare, it's damn near impossible for even solidly middle class people (if they still exist) to make ends meet.
Sorry for the rant. Again, I so appreciate everyone's kindness. To top things off, baby and I are sick with an upper respiratory infection going around, so I'm not having the best day. Seeing these posts was definitely the bright spot! It truly is a family here.