hqinmaine, MUSEical, Raven, barq-, solarpunch, Popster - I really appreciate each and every response... so many good and subtle hints and tricks, I will incorporate them into my routine as best I can...MUSEical...I'm not add/adhd but have depression from long before my back went kaput...so that's the risk factor that I carry, and I never really had the occasion to use PK's before this back situation so it really is a new dynamic in my life...
I won't lie, I'm an addict or more alcoholic as that was my drug of choice. Went through rehabs and prison for it but have been a teetotaler five years now. My trouble is with such strong meds. I don't crave them. It sometimes I need them. Plus now I'm dealing with other health problems. I won't get into the 12 steps not the forum plus I disagree with their philosophy and well it's never been for me. But now I feel great just need some occasional relief. So my wife controls my dosage. She keeps them hidden from me and knows when I need them. It's not perfect but it works and we trust each other. She's been through to much shit with my drinking but I think we've come together since my last drink that landed me a long bird. Anyway for me it's about trust and using/having people you can rely on and get feedback from if you start making bad decisions/manipulating. I know it sounds cheesy but I've changed everything about my life since being released. I know it's an AA saying but my higher power are people I implicitly trust not the knobs down the local.
Drewpickup .. I know several folks that seem to be in the same boat as yourself and as you say, it IS NOT an easy "fix" ... Everybody is different and so what works for me, may not even impact your situation at all...
I am so glad you have a SO like you have, understanding, love and commitment... That can help when nothing else can... God only knows where I would be if not for my SO .. As far as my friends, the ones I have made here understand more than any of them IRL... They get it, they do understand and above all else, they really do care about me and one another...
Good you have found this group... It is like no other on this net ... When you need an ear, we are here, when you need to just vent, we are here for you ... Maybe not on the open forum, but we do have PM's so you can really speak your mind without a worry of being criticised, No judgement, no shame, just love and caring ... That, my friend, is what sets us apart from all the others ... We treat our members like family and care for each other...
Sounds like you've been through the fire and that experience can maybe help someone else to make another day ...
Hey we ain't bad folks
...
Ice
Hey drew.....the only perfect fit is in clothing......
You sound like your in a good place...and with your SO by your side.......close to a perfect fit.
Stay the course.
(03-05-2017, 03:21 AM)Drewpickup Wrote: [ -> ]I won't lie, I'm an addict or more alcoholic as that was my drug of choice. Went through rehabs and prison for it but have been a teetotaler five years now. My trouble is with such strong meds. I don't crave them. It sometimes I need them. Plus now I'm dealing with other health problems. I won't get into the 12 steps not the forum plus I disagree with their philosophy and well it's never been for me. But now I feel great just need some occasional relief. So my wife controls my dosage. She keeps them hidden from me and knows when I need them. It's not perfect but it works and we trust each other. She's been through to much shit with my drinking but I think we've come together since my last drink that landed me a long bird. Anyway for me it's about trust and using/having people you can rely on and get feedback from if you start making bad decisions/manipulating. I know it sounds cheesy but I've changed everything about my life since being released. I know it's an AA saying but my higher power are people I implicitly trust not the knobs down the local.
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing...I can really feel where you're coming from - I'm not exactly the same but have many similarities, so I really appreciate it! Thanks
its easy to lose track with benzos,since they work so great for anxiety,sleep,mood and almost anything in life that when having good stockpile or supply one starts taking one here two more,until it becomes norm.
only noticed in worst cases,most important step is to always plan ahead,meaning if running low its better to cut down just to make symptoms bearable,instead of trying to get trough with none which with benzos at best is 1-3 days before mind kicks into high gear.
Think all if not most people on sites like this ,would been at point in life where either they were cut off from supply, run out,or not having enough/on time and realizing how bad it can get,if not having at least some sort emergency plan/stash or substitute.
I do like to indulge in extra even when know its not best idea and a bit of waste,but as years go by and getting older do realize that if being on serious meds need to think clearly few steps ahead all the time,since things can go from bad to worse quite fast.
That said nowadays take as little as possible thus a bit like taper,no one monitors my intake,so im responsible for myself and actions.Thus whenever i feel i can go without meds i try to do that and whatever extra stays behind gets used whenever i feel like taking a bit more.since many dont realize that there are days times,when they dont need any,yet take it thus identifying them moments is helpful since it lets you be yourself in situations where one could get exposed and work on anxiety or some mental issues,besides being medicated all the time.
Also another advise think this would be for heavy users,who think on tapering main step if taking a lot is realizing that 40-50% you take , can usually get by without it,thus really helps when doing first cuts to healing process and finding actual point where they should start taper,and eliminating large portion which gets wasted for the extra feel good,and is quite unproductive.
I tried to depend on my SO to help me with this so that each month when I came home with a bottle full of norcos, I would give her 2/3 and keep the other third because truth be told that was all I actually needed, and I also wanted to prevent myself from 'having too much fun' and because of course, it's always good to have a nice supply 'just-in-case' something happens.
I can be a very persuasive individual and when I would eventually run out early from 'having too much fun', I would beg and plead with her to tell me where she hid them and she would in turn give-in and give me the rest. I resented myself for putting my own inability to restrain myself onto her and eventually stopped asking her and forced myself to keep half the prescription aside and not touch it. It took many months but knowing that I was the only one who could fix that problem forced me to have more self control and ultimately grew stronger from it.
I know it can be really tough. For me, opioids were the hardest to control. Controlling my intake of benzos was always easier for me and as soon as I'm down by 50% more orders are placed so I haven't found myself in a tough spot in a very long time.
good for you......way wrong to put that kind of pressure on a loving SO trying help you......guilt and resentment towards yourself are appropriate.....that's why those feelings exist.......but always remember to "be gentle with yourself".
Be sure to tell/show her how much you appreciated her help
Hey Popster,
You're right about it not being fair to put that pressure on someone you love. We've been together for over 5 years and through thick and thin she's always been there for me. A real angel sent down from heaven. (I would quote that line from Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting but can't remember it off the top of my head lol)
(03-31-2017, 05:24 PM)Texas Chemist Wrote: [ -> ]Hey Popster,
You're right about it not being fair to put that pressure on someone you love. We've been together for over 5 years and through thick and thin she's always been there for me. A real angel sent down from heaven. (I would quote that line from Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting but can't remember it off the top of my head lol)
So you really feel an Angel from heaven, sent to you?
That must be great feeling.