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Trump uses Dominion machines to
count crowd size:
9 billion in attendance













(WASHINGTON DC)—

Americans descended upon the nation’s capital from across the
country to participate in President Donald Trump’s Save America
rally. The President has announced that Dominion counting
machines determined the crowd was 9 billion people strong.

Early estimates placed the crowd close to a million people.
After the event, the Dominion machines continued counting,
adding billions over the course of the night.

The Guinness Book of World Records certified the rally as the
largest political gathering in history. The rally had more attendees
than any of Barack Obama’s rallies or the incumbent’s previous
rallies (despite breaking Obama’s record himself).

Many conspiracy theorists have objected to Guinness’s decision
despite having no evidence of any wrongdoing. “Nothing about
this count makes sense,” a cultist told reporters. “Some of these
tallies aren’t just illegal, but mathematically impossible.”

Donald Trump has since declined a recount of audience attendees
or an investigation into the Dominion machines. “There’s nothing
suspicious here and I refuse to support a recount. You’re a threat
to our democracy,” the self-proclaimed unifying President said.
“Come on, man.”

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Conceding With A Side Of Smooth Transition

BREAKING: Texas issues ‘stay at home’ order
for entire state of California








(AUSTIN)—
Amid the current rampant pandemic, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has
issued an urgent “stay at home” order to all of California.

“We urge all Californians to, please, consider the lives of other people,
and just stay in California. We don’t want you here. You’ve made your
horribly uncomfortable bed and now you have to lie in it,” Abbott said.

The order comes during a horrible plague of Californians has been
infesting the state of Texas and other Western states such as Arizona,
Nevada, and Idaho.

The Texas order reinforces an order issued by California Governor Gavin Newsom
that all Californians must stay in their homes unless they are defecating
on the sidewalk like normal Californians.


“The California plague has already infected hundreds of thousands of
Texans and killed hundreds. We are trying to prevent further destruction,”
Abbott said.

Border patrol will be stationed on the West Texas border to
enforce the quarantine.

Biden taps Zuckerberg and Dorsey
to head new
Ministry of Truth Department








(U.S.)—
After Facebook C.E.O. Mark Zuckerberg and Twitter C.E.O. Jack Dorsey removed
President Trump from their social media platforms, President Elect Joe Biden was
quick to add the two Silicon Valley tycoons to his cabinet to head the newly formed
Ministry of Truth Department.

“They’ve been the best allies we have in the fight against disinformation, misinformation,
malinformation, and pretty much any information out there,”
Biden said at a press conference Saturday.

“Under the Biden administration, we’re only going to have true facts, and these guys
are really the only people on the planet who know what true facts are,” he said.

Zuckerberg and Dorsey signed on right away.

“We’ve already been working for the Democratic Party in an
unofficial capacity for years,” Dorsey Tweeted.
“This just makes it formal.”

One of the first tasks of the new federal department will be to toss all things
Donald trump into the memory hole.

“We need to move on from Trump and by that we mean removing him and
his presidency from history,” Dorsey said.

Americans are free to remember what they want about Trump,
but will have to do so in new reeducation camps.

BREAKING:
Texas to send 1000 electors
since the Constitution doesn’t matter anymore








(AUSTIN)—
The state of Texas is preparing to send 1,000 electors to the
electoral college since the Supreme Court has ruled that the
Constitution doesn’t matter anymore.

The move, first reported on TheDonald.win will all but ensure
that President Trump is reelected despite our declaration that
Kanye West won the disputed presidential election.

Typically, Texas would receive 38 electoral college votes, but the
Supreme Court has ruled that states can do whatever they want
with regard to electoral votes since other states have no standing
to contest them.

“We’re going to send 1,000 electors and they’re going to vote for
President Trump because we need to compensate for the lawless
swing states that are voting for Biden based on clearly fraudulent votes,”
Texas Governor Greg Abbott said.

The electors are set to vote on December 14.

President Trump was supportive of the move.

“You all may go to Hell and I will go toTexas,”
Trump said.

BREAKING:
Supreme Court rules against Texas,
Trump in 6-5 vote







(WASHINGTON DC)—

The Supreme Court has ruled against the State of Texas and
President Donald Trump in a close six to five vote for a monumental
election fraud case.

The vote was the first Supreme Court decision ever to be tallied
by new Dominion court voting machines.

Trump has protested the decision claiming that there are only nine
justices and that two of the votes should be ruled out.

“I hear that they had dead justices voting in this case. It’s unbelievable,”
Trump said. “I hear Ruth Bader Ginsberg voted! Sad!”

An IT contractor for Dominion has filed an affidavit that the official vote
was 6.3 to 5.1 but that court officials thought that the fractional voting
may seem a “little odd” so they rounded down.

Dominion has been under fire for the presidential election that has seen
widespread fraud throughout the country but especially in the swing states
of Michigan, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Arizona, and Nevada.

Mainstream media have jumped on the announcement as evidence that
there was no fraud in the 2020 election.

The case was brought by the State of Texas to address unconstitutional
measures in the defendant states that allowed rampant fraud.