Top 10 Most Popular Articles
From the Least Popular Year
2020


10. CNN adds Greta Thunberg to expert panel on
‘What it’s Like Being Black in America’





An upcoming CNN town hall entitled
“What it’s Like Being Black in America”
will feature 17-year-old Swedish activist
Greta Thunberg alongside a panel of black
Americans in response to the Black Lives Matter
George Floyd protests.

The program also includes black CNN broadcaster
Don Lemon, 47, black businessowner, Julia Johnson, 37,
and unemployed 29-year-old Detroit resident LaQuan O’Keefe.

Greta Thunberg is neither black nor American but CNN
producer Willie Chitbranz claim that Thunberg,
“actually knows more about what it’s like to be black in
America than most blacks in America so she’s a clear choice
for this panel. I mean, did you see the way she scolded
that crowd during the UN panel? How dare you question
her being on this panel?”

After the climate change movement had fallen off the
global media radar due to the coronavirus pandemic,
the young activist stormed back onto the news by
claiming she had the disease.

CNN hosted her on the coronavirus panel shortly after
and established the high school dropout as an expert
on pretty much everything.

Her name is a top trending term on Twitter, with some
30,000 mentions on the platform in just a few hours.

“It just makes sense to have Greta on this panel about
what it means to be black in America because who knows
better than a young Scandanavian girl whose claim to fame
has been complaining about the weather?” Chitbranz added.





9. Mayor Lightfoot assures us all
300 killed this year in Chicago
will be able to vote by mail in
November





Another 125 people were shot in Chicago over the weekend with
18 more dying. Mayor Lori Lightfoot says that people shouldn’t
worry and that, “all 18 killed over the weekend will be able to
vote by mail in November.”

That latest weekend shooting tally will bring the total for 2020
to nearly 1,600 shot, if not more, and well past 300 dead—all
are newly registered Democrats who will be posthumously voting
for Joe Biden.

“We are prioritizing this epidemic,” Lightfoot said in a press conference.
“We are not going to let this crisis go to waste. Everyone one of
these horribly tragic deaths will be for a good cause of taking
Donald Trump out of office.”

The victims this weekend included a one-year-old boy and
three other kids.

“It’s true that there were some children killed and it’s very sad,”
Lightfoot said. “But we are going to let them vote too despite
being officially underage.”

That night, the Sun-Times reported, a 24-year-old man
“was walking about 8:40 p.m. … when someone in a black
vehicle shot him in the head, back and shoulder.”

“We’re going to honor these victims by ensuring they can
still vote for me and Joe Biden in November,” Lightfoot added.





8. Deceased Iranian General Soleimani
surges into 4th place in Democratic
primary race





Relatively unheard of outside of intelligence circles, deceased
Iranian General Qassem Soleimani has surged into
4th place in the national Democratic primary poll
among likely Democratic voters.

Just days after President Trump ordered Soleimani’s killing in
Iraq for orchestrating an attack on the Iraqi US embassy and
decades of bombings in the region, many Democrats think
he has the stuff to beat Trump in the 2020 presidential election.

“He was a great man,” Representative Ilhan Omar (D-MN) said
of Soleimani. “That’s why I am proud to endorse him as my
favorite candidate in the 2020 primary.”

Analysts are quick to question what people are doing selecting
a dead Iranian who cannot legally run for office in the Unites States
but a spokesman at the Democratic National Committee said,
“Dead people have been voting for our candidates for a long time.
It’s about time that we allow a dead person to run for office!”

It’s likely that if he were to win that Soleimani would select
Omar for his running mate.





7. Alyssa Milano says victims
should feel ‘privileged’ to be sexually
assaulted by Joe Biden





Several brave women’s rights activists such as Alyssa Milano
have come out in support of Joe Biden against his sexual
assault accusers, claiming that, “victims should feel privileged
to be sexually assaulted by Joe Biden.”

“We, as women, have to come to terms with taking control
of our sexuality and if it means letting creepy old men fondle
us, then that’s what it means, but only if the creepy old men
are Democrats. That’s what empowering sexuality means,”
Milano said.

The #MeToo and #IBelieveHer movement made headlines in
2018 as they went after Supreme Court Justice nominee
Brett Kavanaugh after several women accused him of being
literally Hitler.

“We need to believe all women no matter what and that includes
Joe’s accusers,” Milano said in a press conference,
“but that doesn’t mean that what Biden did was wrong. If those
women including Tara Reade didn’t enjoy it, she needs to learn
how to free her sexuality by feeling empowered when a man
of power harasses her.”

“I mean have you seen Tara Reade? She should feel luck to be
in the same sentence as Joe Biden much less the subject of his
untoward sexual lust,” Milano added.

Milano is working on a new project, starring as Nancy Pelosi in
the epic film about Donald Trump’s impeachment called
“We Blew It.”





6. OPED:
I was raped by whoever Trump
picks to replace Ginsburg on the
Supreme Court






This is incredibly difficult for me to do but I feel that it’s
necessary to come forward and expose the type of person
that Trump will select for the Supreme Court of the great country.

I was raped by whoever Trump selects to replace
Ruth Bader Ginsburg for the Supreme Court.

It was in the 1990s and the details are a little fuzzy. We
were at a party and I distinctly remember this person
coming on to me and rubbing up against me.

I told this person I wasn’t interested but whoever it was
persisted and when we were alone forced himself or herself
on me, pulling off my clothes and penetrating me while I
constantly said, “No!”

I haven’t come forward yet because I was ashamed and afraid.
This person is clearly very powerful, but now that this person
is being considered for the Supreme Court, I think it’s
necessary to let people know who they’re dealing with,
especially after Trump picked a literal serial killer last time.

And the Soros money doesn’t hurt.

But this stain on my soul does hurt. And it will be with me
forever—or at least until after the confirmation hearing—the
very painful confirmation hearing.





5. BREAKING:
Adam Schiff reveals his daughter
is dating the Trump whistleblower







In a Tweet, Rep. Adam Schiff wished everyone a happy
Thanksgiving from him, his wife, his daughter Alexa, and
her boyfriend ‘whistleblower’ Eric.

Many were confused by the Tweet. Was it a joke, or an
inadvertent public disclosure.

Schiff has assured us that his daughter’s boyfriend
“whistleblower” Eric isn’t the same Eric that he didn’t
know the identity of during the Trump impeachment
hearing.

Many outlets are reporting that the whistleblower and
Alexa’s boyfriend is Eric Ciaramella:



Whistleblower Eric giving President Obama a hand


Schiff knew Eric was a match for his daughter when
he heard how good of a whistleblower he was.

Schiff also assured his constituents that both his daughter
and her boyfriend have had the HPV vaccination.





4. BREAKING:
Democrats vote to remove Southern
states from US for ties to slavery






WASHINGTON DC—In a shocking and unprecedented move,
congressional Democrats have voted to remove Southern
states from the Union for their historical ties to slavery.
The move comes during a time of racial purging spurred
by the police killing of George Floyd and Black Lives Matter
protests.

“Since the Southern states have had such an egregious connection
to slavery and utter racist history, we’ve decided to unilaterally
remove those states from the United States of America,”
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said.
“We can no longer be tainted by such purveyors of racism.”

The modern exclusion will remove the states that were part of
the Confederate States of America including South Carolina,
Mississippi, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, Arkansas,
Tennessee, North Carolina, and Texas.

Delegates from several of these states are holding meetings
to discuss military action intended to oppose this move.

Pelosi said they are ignoring Virginia’s ties to history like they
are ignoring Governor Northam’s blackface racism because
they’re Democrats again.

“We are American by God,” Jerry Truitt of Birmingham, Alabama said.
“We’re not going to let some nitwit Yankees kick us out of our own country!”

Border states of Kansas, Kentucky, and Nebraska are in deep turmoil
and division, as are Missouri and parts of Arizona.

Historians were quick to point out that over 600,000 Americans
died in a war to keep the union together, but that did not deter
the congressional Democrats.

There was also talk about removing all the states from the Union
for their association with states in the Confederacy. A vote for
that measure will be held tomorrow.





3. BREAKING:
Mayor Lightfoot outlaws shooting
people in Chicago






Following increased violence in Chicago with record killings
recently, Mayor Lori Lightfoot has decided to take
unprecedented measures to protect the city and has outlawed
shooting people in the city limits.

“There are easy things we can do to stop the violence
that is plaguing our city and I’m going to do them. As
of today, the entire city of Chicago is a shooting-free zone,”
Lightfoot said.

Citizens around the world are applauding the move as
brilliant and innovative.

“I really wish we had thought of it!” Barnie Mack of Lincoln Park
said while looting a local convenience store.
“We could’ve prevented all the murders here from happening
over the years.”

“People are wondering how to stop mass murder,” Albert Capone
of West Loop said during an illicit drug deal.
“It’s like, duh! Say dey can’t do it no more! Poof, problem solved.”

Other countries have yet to catch on that simply outlawing
something is going to prevent it from ever happening.

“I can’t believe no one else thought of this,”
Lightfoot added.





2. BREAKING:
Charlie Sheen tests positive for
every disease except
coronavirus







During this global health crisis, Hollywood Legend and
star of one of the greatest films of all time The Chase,
Charlie Sheen has tested positive for every disease
known to man except for coronavirus, which is plaguing
the world.

With seemingly every celebrity announcing a positive
coronavirus diagnosis, it’s refreshing to hear of one
famous person without the disease.

“Charlie does not have coronavirus,” Sheen’s spokeswoman
Juliette Frirochette said. “And he is not planning on making
a cringy video of him stuck at home singing a John Lennon
cover badly or soaking in a bathtub.”

“Charlie is not afraid of catching the coronavirus. Coronavirus
is afraid of catching Charlie!” she added.

Frirochette says that it’s the tiger blood he drinks on the regular
that has “kept the corona at bay.”

On November 17, 2015, Sheen publicly revealed that he was
HIV positive, having been diagnosed roughly four years earlier.
He recently admitted to having syphilis, cancer, diabetes,
drug addiction, dropsy, and several other diseases.

But he was tested for coronavirus and was shown to be negative.

According to Frifochette, Sheen is “corona-winning.”





1. Ozzy Osbourne hired
to interpret Joe Biden’s
speeches







As the 2020 presidential election draws near, Democratic strategists
have been scrambling to find someone capable of interpreting their
presumptive nominee Joe Biden.

After an exhaustive search, the Democratic National Committee
has selected world renowned rock star Ozzy Osbourne to interpret
the unintelligible former vice president.

“We were a little worried about Ozzy after the elderly rocker was
stricken with pneumonia, but we were encouraged after listening
to Ozzy’s peaceful spoken word meditations album and he really
is the only person who speaks anything close to Bidenese,”
DNC Chair Tom Perez said.

After going through several speech writers including Jar Jar Binks
and The Swedish Chef, staffers realized that it wasn’t the speech-writers
making Biden sound like a complete jumbled mess but the politician himself.

Osbourne is excited about the new role.

“I just flumbba jigga pallug muhd, see?” Osbourne said in his first interview
as translator. “And the jifflun huhhzzah willy jiggles.”

Biden expressed some hesitance.

“Only one person can fill the tank of a leaf blower on a sunny day
and that ain’t slack, Jack.”

Forest fire arsonist identified as
Squirrel Lives Matter activist!





(SAN OAK, CA)—

Months after forest fires destroyed thousands of acres of woodland, a four-legged
arsonist, Chippy Nutfield, has been arrested. Chippy’s Twitter feed revealed he is
a climbing enthusiast, vegan, and a Squirrel Lives Matter activist.

Nutfield, who says he’s not affiliated with the Korean flamethrower squirrels, was
arrested following a five hour stand-off with a dozen FBI agents surrounding his
maple tree. The suspect resisted arrest, remaining burrowed in his nook and threw
nut shells at the agents. Nutfield was apprehended at dusk when he left his nest
in search of buried acorns.

The suspected arsonist is an active SLM member. The group believes squirrels are
disproportionately killed by hunters. They are responsible for forest fires across
the United States.

The latest round of fires started following the death of squirrel Bucky McSqueak.
McSqueak ran into the road with stolen nuts and was hit by a car. Autopsy reports
revealed McSqueak was inhaling burnt marshmallows and had walnut in his system.
Ranger reports detail his long history of darting across seldom traveled roads exactly
when a car passes by.

Chippy Nutfield allegedly burned down his own forest in protest.

No arrests have been made in connection to other forest fires that burned
nationwide. Those fires were for justice.

Chippy pled not guilty by reason of being nuts.

Antifa disappointed they won’t have any
fascists to protest after Trump leaves







(WASHINGTON, DC)—

Black Lives Matter and Antifa are disappointed over not having any
excuses to riot once Trump leaves office.

“I’m really gonna miss stealing all those flat-screen TV’s and gaming
devices from Walmart – in the name of racial justice of course – now
that Trump’s gonna be out of the White House,” a mostly peaceful BLM
activist said. “Once he’s out I’ll have no reasons or excuses to riot and
loot like I’ve been doing for the past four years, and I’m afraid BLM’s
gonna go out of business. I’m really afraid of the future.”

A local fascist-Antifascist activist also expressed similar concerns.
“I used to get up early every morning in my mother’s basement to
protest in the streets against how much of a fascist and dictator
Trump’s been as president without any repercussions, which I found
odd considering the guy’s literally Hitler. But now that he’s leaving
office, what am I gonna protest against for the next four years?”

We were later notified that the white supremacist community was also
disappointed but for the opposite reason – that Trump didn’t end up
being ‘literally just like Hitler’.

On behalf of the Genesius Times, we expressed our condolences
to all parties for their loss.

LOL  ..... Those are awesome




Ice

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez suggests
nuking sun at night when it’s colder
to fight climate change







(NEW YORK CITY)—

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took the internet by storm today when she
suggested that the federal government should nuke the sun at night when
it’s colder in order to fight climate change.

“I just came up with a solution to climate change that like no one has ever
thought of before,” AOC said in a series of tweets. “Since the sun is the
number one culprit in our fight against climate change, why not simply nuke
it out of existence? Now look, I know the sun is like really hot – like 500
degrees or something and slightly hotter than my kitchen oven. So I devised
like a brilliant plan: nuke the sun at night when it’s cold outside. Maybe wear
oven mitts just to play it safe. And just like that, we’ve solved the
climate change crisis.”

Reactions to AOC’s proposal were mixed. Bill Nye the ‘Not-So-Science-Guy’ spoke
glowingly of the proposal. “This plan is endorsed by 97% of scientists,”
Nye said. “And anyone who disagrees with this is obviously a science and
climate change denier who should be sent to one of Biden’s energy-efficient
concentration camps.”

Others weren’t as excited. “AOC is the dumbest politician ever!” Trump posted on
Parler, after getting booted from Twitter. “Nuking the sun is the craziest thing ever!
Next she’ll suggest plugging a power strip into itself to save on electricity! Sad!”

When asked by reporters which scientists support AOC’s proposal, it turned out it’s
the same scientists who refuse to believe in the science of biology, abortion
and economics. 

Kamala Harris says Mayan calendar
prophesies she will assume presidency
February 02, 2022







(WASHINGTON DC)—

Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris says the Mayan calendar has
revealed she is to take the presidency of the United States on
February 02 or 02-02-2022.

“The deity, Itzamna foretold of my ascension millennia ago. In my
first 10,000 days, I will bask in the glory of my worshipers and sacrifices
of blood and taxes will consume all conservatives. I will pardon
President Biden for all his crimes and to insure a smooth transition,
have tasked my replacement, Vice President Jill Biden, with the hoarding
of treasure and the destruction of my arch-nemesis, the Supreme Court.”

The response from Joe Biden, “C’mon man, Kamala’s a hoot… she’s not
gonna Corn Pop me. Besides, I think I replaced her with the actor, Wayne Brady
on my ticket months ago so I don’t know what this is about. Look, here’s the deal,
I’m the ‘Big Guy’ now and I’m gonna lead my scouts and we’re gonna win
some merit badges. Now, I have also got to start divorce proceedings and Jill
is gonna be replaced by my CAT interns. I mean, she ain’t black anyway.”

BREAKING:

Biden proposes raising minimum wage
to $1,000,000 an hour







(WASHINGTON, DC)—

President-Elect Joe Biden announced today that on day one
of his presidency, he’ll pass an executive order raising the
minimum wage to $1,000,000 an hour.

“Workers have been suffering greatly through the pandemic,
trying to make ends meet,” Biden said in a statement to his
bathroom mirror. “I really believe workers should be earning
more than they are currently. And because I’m very generous
with other people’s money, I’ll be mandating that every worker
in the country gets paid at least $1,000,000 an hour. And by
the way, every economist whose paycheck comes from me
agrees with my proposal.

Alex Ocasio-Cortez gave me the idea!”


When questioned whether employers would hire workers at such
a high wage, Biden dismissed the concern. He explained in a later
interview that he understands that the new wage will result in the
unemployment of millions of workers nationwide, but “it’s better
to be unemployed at a $1,000,000 an hour then employed at
just $10 an hour.”

A local professor of gender studies stated to the media that this whole
thing wouldn’t be an issue if everyone just self-identified as
millionaires and billionaires.

BREAKING:

Walls Work Now







(WASHINGTON, DC)—

After years of telling people that walls do not work to keep people
out of the United States, Democrats are lauding a wall designed to
keep people out of the US Capitol.

“We praise the wall-builders who constructed this edifice to security
of the sacred temple of the government,” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said.
“We all know that walls work.”

At a news conference Thursday, Army Secretary Ryan McCarthy said the
military was erecting a 7-foot fence around the Capitol grounds in the
wake of the storming of the building by supporters of President Donald Trump.

This comes shortly after Stolen President-elect Joe Biden announced he
would build a wall along the entire coast of the United States to combat
rising sea levels.

Some 25,000 National Guard troops will be stationed throughout the city
to guard against protestors. The troops, which were ineffective and horrifying
when deployed against BLM rioters last year, are a good thing now too.

Pope Francis took some time out from criticizing people who build walls
instead of bridges to commend the DC police and the US National Guard
for their efforts in building this wall.