BREAKING:
Democrats agree to let you have some
of your money in $1.9 trillion relief package






(WASHINGTON, DC)
—
Democrats in control of both houses of Congress and the White House recently passed
the $1.9 trillion relief package, agreeing to give some of your money back to you.

The bill funds for pensions, child care, teachers unions, and other far-left priorities including
bailing out failing blue states like California, Illinois, and New York.
The bill also lets taxpayers have some of their money.

“We are proud to have reached an agreement with the administration to resolve outstanding
challenges, and have passed the Cocovirus Relief Act Package (CRAP) bill to let the hardworking
American people have some of their money,” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said in a
press conference Friday.

Democrats rejected the call to let Americans have all of their money.

“Oh no, we can’t let them have all of their money. That would be silly. What would the purpose
of the government be if we didn’t take taxpayers money and give most of it to our elite friends?”
Pelosi said.

Every American will get $1400 from themselves that they will need to pay back later
with interest thanks to the CRAP bill.

New HR1 bill simplifies all future voting
by making Meghan Markle
Queen of the United States








(WASHINGTON, DC)
—
HR1, the bill before the United States Congress that takes away the state’s rights
in regards to administering votes, has started to get some criticism that can’t be
censored. The Venezuelan Banana Republic Dominion Voting System is also losing
trust and a few states are refusing to obey the edicts from Washington DC on
several issues. A confused and worried Joe Biden was lost on what to do when
a solution presented itself on TV.

Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex is now residing in the former British now Chinese
colony known as the United States of America. With years of precedent in terms
of monarchy rule, Biden decided that the best thing to do is turn over all government
decisions to the former Hallmark star actress.

Markle has several aspects that make her qualified to rule the
United States of America as Queen.

She is capable of saying complete sentences, unlike our current United States president.
Markle also looks nice on TV, which according to the US media is far more important
than past experience. Markle also has lots of fame and fortune which would allow her
to buy almost any election should for some reason,
those We The People folks demand it.

Of course, it’s hoped by the current Soros handlers that now run the USA that Markle
will be able to disarm the Basket of Deplorables the same way she disarmed Prince Harry.

It’s 5 O’clock All Day







The Address Heard Round The World







$1400 Will Change Everything







Where’s The Circus?

A Weekend at BIDEN'S

Here are 10 common sense gun control measures
to prevent future shootings








Whenever a mass shooting occurs, it’s important to ask ourselves what policies could’ve prevented
said shooting. With now two shootings occurring in the span of just one week, we’ve provided our
readers with 9 commons sense gun control measures that can prevent future tragedies:


Ban evil.
What an amazing idea!

Ban murder.
Why didn’t anyone think of that?

Throw all white people in prison before they’ve committed a crime.
Between mass shootings and breakouts of whiteness, it’s the only way.

Ban semi-automatic Nerf guns.
For the kids.

Provide a financial reward for every person a potential murderer would have killed.
Seems like a great incentive to deter future crime.

Outlaw anything that has the words ‘high capacity’ in its name – like magazines, kayaks,
laser printers, water heaters, bathroom scales, and dishwashers.
Just to play it safe.

Limit mass shootings to only three a year.
This way, potential murderers don’t feel totally hopeless.

Lower minimum age for purchasing firearms to three years old.
This way we can teach toddlers early on about the dangers of firearms.
Seems fairly reasonable.

Require all potential murderers to securely store their firearms in a gun safe
and then swallow the key or throw it down the toilet.
Not a bad idea.


We also considered including common sense ‘stupidity control’ to our list,
but then we realized that Congress would exempt itself from the law.

So, there’s that.

Weekend Funnies
-Phoney Woman