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Problems with ex partners/spouses - Nonoo - 10-22-2015

i  find my ex to be toxic to me as late and brings out the worst in me 

has suggestions on how to deal with anyone , ex partner , mother of my children , 

i always take the bite when shes winding me up and pressing my buttons to make me tic . im also sick of been the fall guy , so as to protect her relationship with our children ,
when she puts up blocks from me seeing my children cause we might have had words , i always tell the kids i couldn't pick them up when the truth is my ex will do everything in her power to keep us separated ,just cause she wants to punish me , 

but unlike her i would never say well mom wouldn't let me have you come and stay , 

ill say i had to work or my car broke down , 

i never try come between them in anyway quiet the oppisite , i will let the children believe its my fault ,

i was a child and always try see things from there perspective, they can be so observant , 

i never try come between mother and children 


any suggestions appreciated 
Undecided
i have a wonderful relationship with my children , im there father , i make them feel safe , im there best friend, there confident ,
they come me with there little problems ,
there bank of dad
there great kids and a joy to be with ,
i love them more than life its self and they love me to bits
there my reason for living , i love them unconditionally , im not a luvky person but lucky in family,
there my everything
Nono

RE: Problems with ex partners/spouses - Nonoo - 10-23-2015

i have a wonderful relationship with my children , im there father , i make them feel safe , im there best friend, there confident ,
they come me with there little problems ,
there bank of dad
there great kids and a joy to be with ,
i love them more than life its self and they love me to bits
there my reason for living , i love them unconditionally , im not a luvky person but lucky in family,
there my everything
Nono
(10-23-2015, 12:04 AM)Kittycat Wrote: Nonoo, I understand your awful quagmire. I have been through an awful custody battle myself with an unrelenting vengeful partner. 

Sounds like you are wonderful about not blaming mom to the kids. May I ask their age? 

I might just say to the kids, Mommy and I are trying to work out a schedule for me to see you. Don't take the blame. Just stay neutral.

I am not a lawyer, but you can file an emergency motion about this in family court if she is not following the agreement for whatever reason. Within 2 weeks, it will go to court, and they will straighten her @$$ out. It is not looked at kindly from the courts withholding visitation. 

II'm sorry, it's so hard to be in limbo, and not be able to see your children.  I am praying for you. Don't let this go on. End it with your paternal rights in court, or she could lose ccustody if she continues to break the agreement, and it will scare her, at the very least.

YYou just keep neutral and calm with the kids. Make it like it's no big deal. Let her badmoith you, the kids always figure out the truth through actions, no words, but it can take time. 

MMucho love to you, dear. That is heartbreaking.

Heart Heart thanks kitty 
the reason i never went through the courts is we made an agreement with two legal profesionals and both signed terms which were put before a family judge  he signed off the agrements ,
regarding money , time with each parent,
to have that enforced  i would have to call the police when its my turn to collect them  and i think calling the police would have a negative affect and the children been dropped to me in a police car could be traumatic ,  
so now i think its back to court and have the judge tell my ex must stick to her written contract , 
of course i wish we could be more amicable and it would just benefit all of us , 

t
thanks kitty
Nono

RE: Problems with ex partners/spouses - Nonoo - 10-23-2015

(10-23-2015, 04:40 AM)Kittycat Wrote: No problem. Just don't wait. That's time your kids need you. Court will scare her a bit. Worst case you park in front of a police station to pick up your kids, not in a police car. I've been there, as you can see. But that was a long time ago. That's how I started on x@nnies. :-(

i took your advice kitty got my lawyer to send my ex a letter ,basically saying if she didn't continue with our agreement i would have no choice but to file proceedings against her ,

so as soon as she get the letter , im sure thing will return to normal ,

this time 6 months ago the kids were living with me because my ex had so many work commitments , and that's so un fair  on the 3 of them 
they go from seeing me every day to just had there routine turned upside down ,my ex always says there math grades improve when with me ,i ban calculators , she, my ex i think lets them use calculators  , 
i know its only a little thing , but i try my best to lay a good foundation for them for when they go out into the real big bad word , 

i dont want the making the same mistakes as i ,
im not strict with them of course there are boundaries , but if i was any more layed back id be asleep , 
i want them to have a safe , calm, balanced, place to spend there time in ,
my youngest i try engage her in conversations about different things , from hypocrisy to spiritual subjects

Thank you kitty you gave me the push i needed to rectify the whole situation ,
a million thank yous 
Nono Heart

RE: Problems with ex partners/spouses - 16pawz - 10-24-2015

I know it's hard, but keep doing the right things, you'll never regret it and your kids will be happier as a result.  Good luck with everything, you sound like a great dad.

RE: Problems with ex partners/spouses - Nonoo - 11-10-2015

kona
thanks for the vote of confidence , i know lots of single men raising there kids now days , the tables have turned , when i here a single mother say the father just walked out , i think to myself none of the men i know are like that if anything there raising children that are not biologically there own , good for you stepping in to take care of your children , id admire any single parent willing to take action to do the right thing by there children , one good parent , is much better than a couple divided ,
good for you kona , and 16paws thanks to , every post nudging me along the right route will lead to a successful outcome

thanks folks Smile