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Why, Do People Become Addicted?
i am sorry jim.

what an awful awful experience. but, look at how much u have risen.

just live a bit of ur life, for him. in your heart.

but, i cannot imagine what u suffered. a close friend witnessed his fathers suicide. because no one told the men wounded in the war with metal in their heads that metal plates could cuz them to hear weird sounds. my friend gave up on life. he survives. but, he is defined by that day.

i am so sorry. how awful. you are a remarkable man.
Angel  It is Well with My Soul  Angel
(07-08-2015, 02:23 AM)Charon Wrote: i am sorry jim.

what an awful awful experience.  but, look at how much u have risen.  

just live a bit of ur life, for him.  in your heart.  

but, i cannot imagine what u suffered.  a close friend witnessed his fathers suicide.  because no one told the men wounded in the war with metal in their heads that metal plates could cuz them to hear weird sounds.  my friend gave up on life.  he survives.  but, he is defined by that day.

i am so sorry.  how awful.  you are a remarkable man.

Thanks, after a few I learned to celebrate the good times instead of mull over the bad and that's not necessarily something medication specifically will enable one to do, but by stopping me from mulling over the bad memories I find it, to a certain degree, helpful to focus on the good and move the hell on.
i was raised with that same believe, fire. that genetics played a role.

me mother was an alcoholic, but, a totally functioning one, till the last few months of her life. and me grandmother also liked her beer.

i decided the safest thing for me, was just to say "no." for me, it worked.

and, my son, has his priorities in order. he hated college due to drunken, crazy people in the dorms. he learned that adults may have wine at a holiday. (my family toasted that cider that lets u pretend its a toast!)

i would not worry about ur DD with her upbringing.

it seems to have been more acceptable for the very frustrated women whom were not allowed to attend college. or to work. days of old.

but, ur DD has seen a strong mom. A professional. Whom can handle most everything appropriately and with class. You don't run to a bottle. And, as she was a chronic pain patient, she understands that we actually prevent further harm to joints when we use the meds we r given. Plus, we can move a tad.

I would not worry about her, fire. She was not raised in a home that could have put her at risk.

(but, i guess that theory is just for old wives now!)
Angel  It is Well with My Soul  Angel
For me, my addiction was mostly my surroundings, and some part my genetics, for alcohol, I knew that runs in my family very deep and I knew the stay away from the liquor after many a black outs. So now I stick just to beer.

For the opiates. That was I'd say 90% the surroundings. It was availbale and I had the money at the time to buy it, and once I got a taste for it, I loved what it did for me as far as bottling up things and instead of dealing with problems it was easier to do some drugs. I was getting what I found out to be 70% pure Heroin, more than 4x anything anyone in this area had seen. Once this connection was busted, I basically stopped using because everything around was trash compared to what I was used to, maybe 10-20% pure at best. So this played a VERY big role in my getting clean. If that same 70% H was around right to this very day, I would most likely still use it when I had some issues (maybe once a month at most, most likely less than that, as I do have occasional pain, but Suboxone helps with that), but I wouldn't be using it daily like I was, so I can't say it's 100% surroundings. I have changed (for the better) - and actually as of today, finally have a legal prescription to Suboxone - which I've actually been on for 6 years (since I've been clean), illegally. So I am very happy to be finally prescribed, no more worries of getting in trouble, running out, etc. I had to sign some stuff about me being on Xanax, as it can cause respiratory distress from slowing breathing down, coma, or even death. but I was honest with the Dr. about being on it for 6 years, both Suboxone and Xanax, so he appreciated me being honest and wasn't worried about this issue since I've been on it for so long without issue. - sorry if I got off coarse a little bit, I'm just very relived to finally be legally on Suboxone.
I love a good discussion too.

I feel like it is kind of like a 70% 30% with the 70 being genetics……I just like to read and take in all kinds of info from various sources.
I had a college class a 101 something Pys something, that we talked over this similar thing.
We were asked to come up with reason and how we believed what made us who we are.

Like in the genetics or is it our family of origin environment…..the 30% is how we were raised and such. I just think it does have some bearing on who we are. 

It is not all genetics but I didnt take further courses then again I think a lot of the colleges are brainwashing kids, but shush me up because that is another story...

I like hearing what and how others think.
its a fine nickname, fire. much easier to type.

and, please, have discussions all u choose, linville.

i am just a wee bit deep into thought and prayer at the moment.

so, i am extremely happy that u r having discussions.

will join in when some pressing issues are more settled.
Angel  It is Well with My Soul  Angel
Sure Charon, I am sending you some good vibes….and I surely understand.
No problems.

Back to the talking, well I am sure there are some strong genetics involved that some have to fight off their whole life, being predisposed to addiction.

I understand my grandfather was a bit of a "rounder" as they say. Alcohol was his vice. As I understand it. But he worked all his life too.
There is so much that a person would like to forget and not have in their conscience from various pain of life I am sure for some it it a trigger. That then releases those demons.

Well I hate to end on that note so, well, I will say that I do know some people that have theirs under control.
I actually think I have everything but benzos under control. I just have that manic, anxious, posting at 3-am writing walls of words thing that I can't shake without it. I spent a year without it and I didn't like it at all and now I'm back on a script of very light benzos.

But I used to also be a serious IV heroin/opiates/opioids in general user, and I (and missed, ouch) my fair share of meth, and speedballs and goofballs and watched Showgirls on acid and ate Canadian MDMA crystals like its candy until I lost the magic. I've only done IV heroin, coke, and meth since 2011 outside of benzos. I've done them a total of 12 times combined in the past 4.5 years. I don't really have the urge to do them unless it's offered anymore, I feel like I needed to move on with my life and those can only be very occasional hobbies, like a sport team you follow in the standings but don't actually watch the games of. Although I am obviously incredibly interested in the legal aspect of all these drugs, it''s a replacement.

But it's hard to shake the benzos. Xanax is paradoxical for me, but Ativan, Temazepam, and Valium will keep me calm, collected, normal, social but not too much, focused, relevant, and wit ha decent head on my head. I have little memory loss on them and no euphoria, just a devil's tranquility I'm putting off dealing with later, maybe in the style of the infamous Charles Johnson.

I usually have a drink or two but to study for the bar I really stopped from may until... well I haven't really restarted except right after I got out (I had to). My great-grandfather was an drunk and died in his 40s. My great grandmother was a drunk and died clutching a bottle of clear liquor but due to Alzheimers... at the age of 96. She called me by my dad's name. My great-grandfather on my mother's side was a crippled opium addict who chose to eat a brick of opium instead of getting machinegunned by the Japanese. Almost whole village save my grandmother and great-aunt got machinegunned into a mass grave. It's the stuff that'll get you drinking, but they actually never did, interesting enough.

I think a lot of this is a lot more complex, YMMV. I feel like I'm almost choosing to stick with a light level of dependency on one specific thing.I stopped shooting heroin every day mostly because it became not fun and it became a chore it killed my relationship. Yet, perhaps I am actually really dependent, because the normal me that I recognize now, not the one before my friend died or before I went on a multi-year bender or CT w/ds or law school or whatever, is the me that I recognize, always on a light level of benzos, prescribed but always a little underprescribed, verbose but precise, telling stories but eventually getting to the point, and finally comfortable with myself in a way that I haven't been comfortable with since when I was very little.
Thank you jimtje , for talking of *your* story.

You spoke of war at one point. I had a friend that was in the Vietnam war. He came back was older than I but we became best friends. Would stay up all hours of the night talking of the worlds problems and how to solve them kind of stuff….well my friend fought his demons until he died before he should have.

I dont think he wanted to remember the things he went through in the war zone.
It still as I talk of it makes me get emotional because he was one of those rare true friends….to me….that dont come along very often.
We both went through changes and I went another path for a while when I heard he died sitting in a car warming it up after being in a bar . He fell asleep and the car caught on fire.

Something in the fuel system…..sighs

He came back from war but as I sometimes say never really came all the way back mentally.

I can recall him introducing some of the friends he made while overseas fighting for his life and they took me in like one of their own because of his saying that I was his friend.
Gosh, such friendship….is very hard to have. I miss him.
FirePlaces, thanks for the understanding of my friend….I have mentioned him a few times.  I have read that NAC really does work in cleansing the liver. 
I hope your test numbers are okay.

I am prone to kidney stones and whew, 2 times to the ER. The second time when the urologist said he wanted it to send off for analysis and if by around 10 days I didnt bring it to him he would go up and get it.
(was floating in the bladder by then) 
I said what do you mean, he goes there is an instrument that he can push up to the bladder and get it and bring it out….I was like is that really necessary, he goes oh, it is not a big deal……well needless to say I strained until  one day at lunch it just rolled out.
Didnt even feel it.
But I was so glad when I took it to the doctor and presented it to them.
ha ha
Anyway, it was mostly oxalates ----
  • Spinach

  • Rhubarb

  • Beets

  • Potato chips

  • French fries

  • Nuts and nut butters
But I was hard pressed to after the pain was over to cut out those things……and my family has the history so…
And if I wasnt given pain meds I believe I would have done anything to get my hands on something to deaden the pain..

It hurts when going from the kidneys to the bladder and after in the bladder the danger is blockage not so much straight up pain ATP.

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