10-15-2018, 02:26 PM
(10-01-2018, 12:48 PM)Moonfairy0803 Wrote: My worse one was at disney on Christmas day. Got stuck in the mad dash to the exit after the parade. Got stuck in the crowd and became clostrphobic. Pushed my way through people till I found an area to calm down. I know try to avoid things like that. And if i do go around crowds i have my xanax with me
that honestly sounds like the worst experience in the world. disney AND christmas? my gods. how did you find yourself in that situation?
ot, sort of: my best xmas ever, out, was in rome. the best day to be there because it's EMPTY, everyone is inside with their families, hardly any other tourists, no claustrophobia, not he usual crush of people, the streets are yours... amazing. it was this lovely, sunny day. i remember it so clearly. i was like 20, i think? so young and thin and still believing in romance.... ah... damn, more than half my life ago now (i'm 42). i met this other american, a guy, at a hostel in florence on christmas eve (after watching a christmas eve parade there, outside the duomo, which WAS super crowded and claustrophobia-making, i do not have fond memories of that, everyone in this weird pageant parade dressed in fake uncomfortable looking "renaissance" italian clothing)... and we were both headed to rome so we decided to take the 6 am train from firenze to roma the next morning, on xmas day.
he was going to yale and was also in europe on vacation for the holidays. he had just taken this italian architecture class so he knew a ton about rome's history, the fountains, forum, coliseum, etc. we had a lovely 3 day romance, walking around rome and eating amazing food and kissing in the streets the ways itaiians do
we, lol i just remembered this, were in vatican city on xmas night and went to a pharmacy there (to be clear, IN vatican city, across the street from the pope's freaking house, ON christmas) to buy condoms, like the totally oblivious, half-jewish-by-blood, non-religious, liberal american college students that we were. i will never forget the look on the pharmacy woman's face when we asked if they had any (spoiler alert, they did not). it was hilariously uncomfortable. if she could have killed us with her eyes she would have, i think.
anyway, sorry to ramble there, but your story reminded me of the best ways to spend xmas out. NOT at f'ing disneyland! i hate that place and its creepy characters and rides and people and princessy-propping-up-the-patriarchy bs (btw, i do love frozen, i can't help it, despite its flaws, in large part because elsa is a QUEEN, not a princess, and and unmarried queen at that, and also because she's the first disney female character to have magical powers and NOT be evil)... and i'm so sorry you had that experience. i hope you had xanax with you, that's what i do, when i have a panic attack, to answer the original question, with my chronic life-long anxiety. medication makes life better for so many of us. and i always make sure i do not run out of benzos, by having a few stashed in every purse or backpack that i use. because the only thing worse than having a panic attack is having a panic attack while withdrawing from benzos.
and a thing i sometimes do when i'm experiencing feelings of panic is to remember experiences like the one i described above, and to remember how lucky i have been, and am, that i'm not living in a country where i'm always having to, say, run from bombs, for instance, or that i'm not a starving woman living in poverty somewhere in the world, with no education, half my kids dead, having to endure marital rape and/or a UTI without any medication. some people feel guilty for their anxiety when they think about how much worse off many other people are, but for me, although it is painful to think about the suffering of other people, i am past feeling like my feelings are invalid because i am lucky. what can actually center me is imagining ways i can help other people. sometimes when you are feeling your worst, helping others, or planning on how to help people in your head, can get you OUT of that Bad Place in your head.
and it also gives me some relief to, like coffeedude said, visualize the color blue (yellow doesn't work for me), either caribbean ocean blue or mediterranean sea blue, depending on what feels best to calm me at the time. and the calming, life giving waves of mother ocean (to me, the ocean feels very connected to the divine feminine, but ymmv).
and also, for me it helps to connect to anything around me that feels nature-y. the moon, the sunshine, the wind, the trees, birds singing, the smell of jasmine in bloom or a lemon freshly picked from the tree in my front yard, the earth below my feet. grounding exercises also help me, like imagining my feet are tree roots and visualizing them going deep into the earth, through all the layers, amd then wrapping around that core of liquid magma (you can imagine this in a dr. evil voice, because humor is super helpful too: liquid hot MAGma), pulling that warm earthy strength back up my roots into my body, rooting me to the earth, it's a pagan-y exercise but you do not have to be pagan for it to work! breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth the whole time.
also humor and laughing helps a lot. if you can at the time. bookmark something that makes you laugh on your phone so you always have it ready. ultimately, the absurdity of human existence (imo) is pretty funny, if you can zoom out to see it. and that helps me, too, a lot.
ok, i'm done
