Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Woman to Pharmacist: "Do you sell Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, we do."

Woman: "Can you get it over the counter?"

Pharmacist: "I can, if I take two!"

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Two men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter.

He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10-inch-long BIC lighter.

Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"

The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie".

The first man asks "Can I make a wish?"

"Sure" says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"

"Okay I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants.

The man says "I want a MILLION BUCKS!"

The genie says "OK" and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly overhead.

The guy says to the other "Your genie really sucks at hearing doesn't he?"

The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10-inch BIC?"

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Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of a parochial school in a very advanced state of agitation.

"Father!" she cried, "just wait until you hear this!"

The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, "Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?"

"Well, Father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!"

"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest.

"But that's not what has me so excited, Father," replied the nun, "it was what they were wagering on!

They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!"

"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?"

"Well, I hit the ceiling, father."

The priest surprised, asked, "How much did you win?"

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'OLD' IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,  'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door,

'OLD' IS WHEN... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN...... 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND


'OLD' IS WHEN... You are not sure these are jokes?