Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly as a result of her interest in health food and exercise.

When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and a master bath suite with a sauna and Jacuzzi.

As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free,"St Peter replied. "This is heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to new one that represented one of the great golf courses on Earth.

The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

St Peter's reply: "This is heaven; you play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven; it is free!" St Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.

St Peter lectured, "That's the best part: You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven."

With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on it, and shrieked wildly. St Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

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Dustie was driving down the freeway when his cell phone rang.

He answered and his wife was on the other end warning him, “I just heard on the new’s there’s a car going the wrong way on the interstate. Please by careful.”

“I know,” Dustie said, “but it’s not just one car. There’s hundreds of them.”

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Bob was surprised when his gorgeous neighbor lady knocked on his door one evening.

When he opened the door she said, “I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, go out for some drinks and spend the night with someone. Are you doing anything tonight?”  

Bob excited and quickly responded, “Nooo, I’m free tonight and at your service.”

“Great,” she said. “Can you watch my dog?”

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