Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

A photographer, who was also a confirmed atheist, decided to go into the
woods to get photos of the fall foliage. It was a beautiful day: fall colors,
birds chirping, babbling brook, and a gentle breeze rustling the leaves.

While snapping shots, the photographer heard a noise behind him and
whirled around to see a huge bear coming through the bushes.

He dropped his camera and ran. And kept running and running…
And looking behind him, he noticed the bear was gaining on him!
He was so scared that tears came to his eyes.

He ran faster, but the bear was closing in on him.
He ran faster yet and tripped over a root. Rolling over onto his back,
the man saw the bear rise to his full height and raise a huge paw…
and the atheist cried out,
“Oh, God, no!”

And everything stopped.

The birds stopped chirping.
The brook stopped babbling.
The gentle breeze stopped.
And the bear froze with his paw in the air.

And the man heard a booming voice say,

“Young man. For years you’ve doubted my very existence,
but now that your life is in peril you call my name to help you.
Why should I do so?”

And the man thought for a moment, and said,
“Yes, you are right. If you are God, then it would be hypocritical
of me to become a Christian at this point in my life. But, do you
think that you could at least make the bear a Christian for today?”

And the booming voice was quiet for a moment and then said,
“Done.”

And everything started again.
The birds chirping, brook babbling,
and gentle breeze rustling the leaves.
And the bear slowly lowered his paw.
Then the bear put his paws together,
and bowed his massive head and said,
“Dear Lord, please bless this food we
are about to eat.”


******************************************


A guy walked into a bar and said to the bartender,
" Give me two shots please.
One for me and one for my best buddy"

The bartender says,
"Do you want them both now or do you want to
wait until your buddy gets here,?"

Oh he is already here said the guy,
and he reached into his pocket and
pulled out a 3"inch man.

"Do you mean to say he can drink that much",
asked the bartender.?

"Sure he can," said the guy, "and then some"

The bartender puts both shots on the bar and
the little man drinks his up in no time at all.

"That's amazing," says the bartender,
"Can he do anything else, I mean, can he walk ? "

"Sure he can," says the guy.

With that he flicks a coin down the end of the bar and
says to the little man,
" Hey Rodney, go get that coin for me please. "

Little Rodney ran down the bar and retrieved the coin
and brought it back to the bartender.

"This is really great," says the bartender,
"Can he do anything else, like, can he talk ?"

The big guy looked at the bartender and said ,
" Of course he can talk"

"Hey Rodney, tell the barman here about the time you
and I were on safari in South Africa and you called
that witchdoctor a dickhead !