So upsetting - I've been deleted

[Rose5555]

I am glad to see there is the human side of rules too, and I also understand that it is not unlimited or to be taken advantage of.

A member in need and maybe is what it takes to be forever grateful and a good part of what happens here. A chance is a good thing.

I am just glad to see a second chance. I have been grateful for that at times and I always try to do right by them. I hope it is that way here.

Rose5555 please use this second chance to make it right and do what Charon asks. Show her it mattered to you. 
I know you can by the posts in this thread.

I hope so for you.

Thank you so much Charon for your kindness. I went to bed crying last night. And I couldn't sleep for ages so I feel exhausted this morning. You're right, some of what had upset me was due to what has happened to me. It has been a really rough time as you might imagine and on top of it all, things are not easy in my life in general. I am indeed happy to be home with my sons. That's what counts in the end.  I am very grateful for your kind act and to be honest, I did not expect it in the least, and it came as a lovely surprise this morning.  I wouldn't abuse an act of kindness ever, it is that simple. 
So I will try to get the required posts done but I really was trying to be sincere, thoughtful and kind in everything I wrote, rather than just put random posts on to make up the count.  I had contributed at length in sections that really touched my own life - migraine, sleep and anxiety being the key ones - and also sent messages of support to other members who wrote about their own difficulties.  I was trying to achieve quality in everything I offered while staying true to who I am. I would genuinely hope that this is what you would want of your members rather than a simple quantity of posts.  Anyone can achieve 50 posts in 45 days if what they write has little value but I suspect it is a lot harder when a lot of what you write comes laden with feelings and is painful to share. There are still things I haven't shared, like the cancer, because I just cannot write about them yet.  I cannot write about anxiety or sleep disorder without feeling sad for the person I was when I was suffering from them, especially as I still have anxiety problems and migraine today. So this is why I find myself a bit conflicted this morning as I do still feel that my previous offerings were just not good enough for this site as they were, even though they were personal and emotional. That does really hurt me.  And it did occur to me that perhaps it might be a good idea when you are pruning members who haven't made the total if, before doing so, you read the posts themselves and see what they have brought to the site. My posts would have displayed most of what you needed to know about who I am and there should have been no suspicion that I was a "spy". And I was proud of the number of "helpful" votes I had gathered for what I had written because they told me that someone, somewhere, had found something in what I offered which might be of use to them, which is one of the main reasons I am here. Now given everything that has happened, I do not know when I will be able to find the strength to write them again. Anyway, this is just an idea and I hope it won't be taken badly, especially given the generosity shown to me here.  It is written from the heart, as I say. 
Anyway, I am going to stop here. I remain deeply grateful, and yet again, for the third time, to Charon.  It is lovely to have you in my family.   And thank you, Linville, for your kind words too. I am happy to have my family back.

Dear Rose, Members get automatically purged by the system if they don't post within 45 days. Whether its a Newbie or a Most Senior Member. Apologies, If that hurt any of your sentiments. We are a family here. And we will always welcome you to be a part of this family. I have been in state of shock for the last 2 days because it was at night when i talked with a friend and in the morning he was no more. He passed away in the morning. For the last 2 days i have been like a rock moderating the forum without any feeling. All my attention is towards the reality of life. We are mere puppets serving our minor role in this world. No one knows who's next. I should say all my warm wishes to you. Please get well soon. We have Charon here, Who is an ideal personality for many including me. She would hold your hand when no one is around like she held mine when i needed her the most. This forum belongs to our highly beloved Charon. I consider my self nothing more than a mere servant here. We are moving slowly though but steadily. I hope you understand that is why we take extra precautions to make sure we don't promote any member to a senior one if he/she's gonna turn rogue in the end. We had a few bad results already. You are no doubt a wonderful person. Please make tears the Water for your morning Tea and sip them up. Be strong. Love you lots.

That was the most moving and kind post, thank you so much for your thoughts and for taking the time to write that. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. How immensely sad and what a terrible shock for you. For me, it is such a reminder of both the fragility and the worth of the life we have and how cruelly it hurts us when someone we love no longer has that gift.  My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.  And thank you for explaining the precautions taken here so kindly and gently to me - for a start, I hadn't realised it was an automatic action rather than done by a person and that makes it a lot less painful for me.  I do completely see what you are saying and indeed had a brush with someone who is now on the blacklist before I had even been accepted as a member on this forum, so I have seen it play out in reality too. I for one cannot understand anyone who tries to scam or take advantage of another person. How can anyone like that live with themselves?  But they seem to exist and forums like this are far from exempt. 
Anyway, big virtual hug to you and be strong too, coming back from me to you. 

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Roses5555...

It is awful what you've gone through.. I cannot even imagine... Please accept my deepest sympanthies in your disstressful time... We are here for you and never want you to feel like you were singled out...

That rule was just for lurkers, of which your actions do not fit... I feel so bad for you my dear... If I can help you in any way, I'll gladly dofor you... You are among a family here and we want you to be a part of it... We'd be proud to say you are one of us!!

With love and respect..

Ice

Thank you, Ice, that is such a kind post. I am really touched by your reaching out to me as you have done and touched by your words of sympathy too. I have only just cottoned on to the fact that the deleting of my profile was an automatic action done by the system rather than a personal one and that makes it so much less upsetting, to know that. I certainly never wanted to lurk; sometimes, though, I find it hard to write about the deeper things that are going on for me right now because they hurt so much, but I feel I will get there knowing that there are some really lovely people here, as I have seen since I first posted last night.
With love and respect straight back to you!
Rose