07-07-2015, 10:49 PM
My best friend killed himself in front of me May 10 2006. It was the day after finals in college and the school decided that since it was after finals it was not their problem anymore, so they sent me to a doctor in town who gave me benzos to stop me from freaking the fuck out. It didn't stop for 5 years.
It a way it was irresponsible for them, certainly, but I don't blame anyone. It was up to me to fix it and ultimately I CTed and now I only use on particularly bad days, you never get over someone you really care about killing themselves in front of you. Also, CT off 5 years of 4mg of xanax is a year long process with a couple of seizures, glad I'm still alive.
I don't think it's fair to blame anyone. I think people are negligent, people want short term solutions and it turns into long term ones, but ultimately I had a choice to jump off the train and I did and I'm glad for it. My life is much better and I had to deal with my issues head on without medication first. It didn't fix it completely but I'd say 85% of the time I'm at peace with it.
We can't control the traumatic events in our lives and sometimes addiction is a comfortably numb blanket to fall into. It's also a Faustian bargain - trading tranquility now for suffering later, but that's your own balancing test. I think I took it willingly and I needed it to come to the point I am now, ultimately, which is at least functional and competent at what I do.
It a way it was irresponsible for them, certainly, but I don't blame anyone. It was up to me to fix it and ultimately I CTed and now I only use on particularly bad days, you never get over someone you really care about killing themselves in front of you. Also, CT off 5 years of 4mg of xanax is a year long process with a couple of seizures, glad I'm still alive.
I don't think it's fair to blame anyone. I think people are negligent, people want short term solutions and it turns into long term ones, but ultimately I had a choice to jump off the train and I did and I'm glad for it. My life is much better and I had to deal with my issues head on without medication first. It didn't fix it completely but I'd say 85% of the time I'm at peace with it.
We can't control the traumatic events in our lives and sometimes addiction is a comfortably numb blanket to fall into. It's also a Faustian bargain - trading tranquility now for suffering later, but that's your own balancing test. I think I took it willingly and I needed it to come to the point I am now, ultimately, which is at least functional and competent at what I do.