Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table.

A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings, clothes and quickly
departed...

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

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Trump's "Walled" pizza

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The Snake

A blonde advertises on Ebay to sell her snake. A guy calls and asks if it is a big snake, She replies "It is huge."

He asks, “How many feet?”

She says, “None! It’s a Snake!!

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The Ultimate Computer ?

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. One day, a guided school tour arrived.

The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This," he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it. Would anyone like to try?"

Little Johnny quickly stepped forward and asked, "Where is my father?"

There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the answer appeared on the screen: "Fishing in Florida."

Johnny laughed, "Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question."

The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better.

Johnny thought and said to the Ultimate Computer, "Where is my mother's husband?"
Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room.

After a moment, the screen lit up with an answer:
"Dead.

But your father is still fishing in Florida."