PTSD and Me

[Furyan66]

Greetings all,  

Well gonna tell you all a bit more about myself and what has brought me back to the world of IOP's

In 2012 my psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD. I was shocked to learn this as I thought at the time this was only something that I had heard about affecting soldiers that had been to war. Well I'm here to tell you it can happen to anybody so I'll go back to the beginning.

It really started back in 2000 to 2001. I went through two nasty divorces back to back the second ended worse than the first and took from 2003 to 2009 to resolve in court. After a LOT of hate and stress, I finally ended up in the hospital for 10 days with uncontrollable seizures and very very little memory of even being in the hospital. I ended up hospitalized 2 more times after the initial attack and was off work six months. My memory was affected and I just remember bits and pieces of what happened and I have to rely on Friend's and family to fill me in on the gaps in my memory.

My neurologist told me I had suffered a "neurological event" saying that I either experienced a mild stroke or a nervous breakdown but he could not be sure and that it was a product of all the stress I was under. Ever since I have had to learn to control my anxiety by meditation, focusing on breathing and certain medication. I cannot let it get the best of me as I go right back to having seizures and not remembering anything. After more office visits than I can count my psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD and it's been a major struggle ever since.

PTSD sucks and is no joke...

Don't let the all the BS in the world get the best of you. It's just  not worth it.....

Peace All.....

sup furyan, i'm new here and just kind of rummaging around the site looking at topics i can share about or others can share w/ me and... i am fairly certain i am an ongoing survivor of PTSD.

my story, if anyone cares to here it:
i used to be a very hardcore opiate addict and when i first started suboxone for treatment i didn't take it too seriously, and would take it for a while then jump back on other things... kind of back and forth. i had a lot of experience with the lifestyle but one day really out of nowhere because i always felt in control of assessing the quality of certain things and using that information to dose myself or close friends i used with, and i had at the time illegal sources of narcan on hand just in case although i understand now that the nation is acknowledging its opiate epidemic many states are giving out narcan supplies through above ground channels to curb the death toll... but for whatever reason this particular day none of that mattered... and someone i was close to... very close friends with just dropped like a fly 5 minutes after injestion... i tred narcan, and cpr for 5-10 minutes before calling an ambulance... i'll keep the rest to myself but i experienced/watched every gory detail through my opiate numbed eyes and just did not react. some people say shock. i just didnt feel anything, very efficiently walled off that part of my brain so i did not think about it for a long time, though my behavior started to change.. i started to sequester myself, develop other drug and alcohol habits i had previously never had an interest in, developed a fear of dreams and somehow would wake up every morning with my mind blank yet somehow thankful i did not remember anything from the night before, lost interest in friendships, hobbies, essentially anything outside of being by myself in my small apartment. slowly the guilt of surviving, failing to save my friend ate me alive and after some time i saw a few psychiatrists briefly when i  finally moved away from where this all happened to go back to school and try to carve out a career in my chosen major.. and a few of the doctors ask or mentioned PTSD as a possible diagnosis, but i never stayed with them or trusted them long enough to start a dialogue. now, the numbness has cleared out into a deep loneliness and consistent depression, with very sharp spikes of sustained panic attacks i never previously had to endure. now i see a psych out of town who i pay out of pocket for my sub (so i dont get any "bright ideas") and a few other meds to manage my condition but they arent really enough. i try to supplement with other things i can find, but it's all just temporary and honestly as that former opiate addict who quit when their friend died, substandard relief from this sort of consistent... broken feeling. the psych does not speak to me for more than 5 minutes, and i just try to manage my symptoms as much as possible so i can function just enough to complete this degree. if i wasn't smart enough to have obtained great scholarships and had to work on top of school i dont think i could handle it. i still don't know how to effectively treat PTSD in a way that helps you move on, and it seems like it is ... to put it lightly not in a huge hurry to go away on it's own.


so that's what i'm dealing with for anyone who cares to read it or needs a stor to relate to. truthfully it's the reason i even ended up on this site. never thought i'd even be talking about it, but i'm an older student in a very tiny college town so i'm just out here on my own dealing with it all. my sympathies to anyone else who is as well.


-S.

---

Greetings all,  

Well gonna tell you all a bit more about myself and what has brought me back to the world of IOP's

In 2012 my psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD. I was shocked to learn this as I thought at the time this was only something that I had heard about affecting soldiers that had been to war. Well I'm here to tell you it can happen to anybody so I'll go back to the beginning.

It really started back in 2000 to 2001. I went through two nasty divorces back to back the second ended worse than the first and took from 2003 to 2009 to resolve in court. After a LOT of hate and stress, I finally ended up in the hospital for 10 days with uncontrollable seizures and very very little memory of even being in the hospital. I ended up hospitalized 2 more times after the initial attack and was off work six months. My memory was affected and I just remember bits and pieces of what happened and I have to rely on Friend's and family to fill me in on the gaps in my memory.

My neurologist told me I had suffered a "neurological event" saying that I either experienced a mild stroke or a nervous breakdown but he could not be sure and that it was a product of all the stress I was under. Ever since I have had to learn to control my anxiety by meditation, focusing on breathing and certain medication. I cannot let it get the best of me as I go right back to having seizures and not remembering anything. After more office visits than I can count my psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD and it's been a major struggle ever since.

PTSD sucks and is no joke...

Don't let the all the BS in the world get the best of you. It's just  not worth it.....

Peace All.....

sup furyan, i'm new here and just kind of rummaging around the site looking at topics i can share about or others can share w/ me and... i am fairly certain i am an ongoing survivor of PTSD.

my story, if anyone cares to here it:
i used to be a very hardcore opiate addict and when i first started suboxone for treatment i didn't take it too seriously, and would take it for a while then jump back on other things... kind of back and forth. i had a lot of experience with the lifestyle but one day really out of nowhere because i always felt in control of assessing the quality of certain things and using that information to dose myself or close friends i used with, and i had at the time illegal sources of narcan on hand just in case although i understand now that the nation is acknowledging its opiate epidemic many states are giving out narcan supplies through above ground channels to curb the death toll... but for whatever reason this particular day none of that mattered... and someone i was close to... very close friends with just dropped like a fly 5 minutes after injestion... i tred narcan, and cpr for 5-10 minutes before calling an ambulance... i'll keep the rest to myself but i experienced/watched every gory detail through my opiate numbed eyes and just did not react. some people say shock. i just didnt feel anything, very efficiently walled off that part of my brain so i did not think about it for a long time, though my behavior started to change.. i started to sequester myself, develop other drug and alcohol habits i had previously never had an interest in, developed a fear of dreams and somehow would wake up every morning with my mind blank yet somehow thankful i did not remember anything from the night before, lost interest in friendships, hobbies, essentially anything outside of being by myself in my small apartment. slowly the guilt of surviving, failing to save my friend ate me alive and after some time i saw a few psychiatrists briefly when i  finally moved away from where this all happened to go back to school and try to carve out a career in my chosen major.. and a few of the doctors ask or mentioned PTSD as a possible diagnosis, but i never stayed with them or trusted them long enough to start a dialogue. now, the numbness has cleared out into a deep loneliness and consistent depression, with very sharp spikes of sustained panic attacks i never previously had to endure. now i see a psych out of town who i pay out of pocket for my sub (so i dont get any "bright ideas") and a few other meds to manage my condition but they arent really enough. i try to supplement with other things i can find, but it's all just temporary and honestly as that former opiate addict who quit when their friend died, substandard relief from this sort of consistent... broken feeling. the psych does not speak to me for more than 5 minutes, and i just try to manage my symptoms as much as possible so i can function just enough to complete this degree. if i wasn't smart enough to have obtained great scholarships and had to work on top of school i dont think i could handle it. i still don't know how to effectively treat PTSD in a way that helps you move on, and it seems like it is ... to put it lightly not in a huge hurry to go away on it's own.


so that's what i'm dealing with for anyone who cares to read it or needs a stor to relate to. truthfully it's the reason i even ended up on this site. never thought i'd even be talking about it, but i'm an older student in a very tiny college town so i'm just out here on my own dealing with it all. my sympathies to anyone else who is as well.


-S.

 oh, also, i didn't have it as bad as furyan but i also had a "neurological event" about 7 months after the incident where i descended a flight of stairs at a friends house and fainted, banging my head against the wall on the way down with a small wound. when i came to i had no memory of fainting or falling and it took me several minutes to understand what had just occurred. soon after my left hand closed and locked up and i couldn't move it for several hours. this incident scared the shit out of me but i refrained from going to the hospital (i do not recommend anyone do this). i never tied to two situations together but furyan's post gave me pause, and i thought i should mention it.

Hey mboxfrogger...

First most defiantly glad you opened up about your issues and that right there is the first step in treating it by confronting it and there is great people here. It's not easy to talk about or put into words how one feels with PTSD since everyone's body and mind react different. I know for me it's a day by day battle to keep my anxiety in check and I also focus on work and other issues to occupy my mind. After years of just feeling like I wanted to curl up in a corner and die, I was watching a movie this past January. A movie I had sen many times but for some reason this time it changed my view on my condition. The movie Shawshank Redemption has a line in it that just really struck me. "Life comes down to a simple choice really, get busy living or get busy dying". After that it made me realize how many years I had wasted and while I'll be fighting this condition the rest of my years I am not wasting any more time.. Life is too short..

There are people who care and understand and I like Charon (Respect her for she is the wisest of us) are available to talk.

May you defeat your demons and know you are not alone.

Peace