01-18-2018, 04:28 PM
I'm fearfully of being trappedand humiliated,speaking in front of others is a close second and has the same feel,I'm trapped,they expect a,b,c from me,,I've been forced to do such leadership things and I can do it..if it's laid back and like everyone is sitting,but me going to front of room and standing doing it alone,,not projector or script to hide behind..if i do have those helpfull things and the audiencedoes engage it's not bad,can have a good dicussion...but on item one I trace it back to my father's favorite saying,What the he'll is wrong with you,and a group of boys who used to corner me and trap me,held me down and punched me over and over,I was so afraid and hid in restrooms or wherever to avoid them..They have since apologized to me and are friends on facebook.i did not reveal the serious impact it has had on my life and the way it has impacted all relationships.i did have a abusive boyfriend once and I ran away to another state,Cali. To Colo. With only a suitcase,only to find him in my home grabbed me and pulled my hair I fought,and screamed and he had a knife,and had driven all the way to other state....he also tried drowning me in front of a bunch of kids when I was about 18......not afraid of swimming,sometimes get panic in large natural water with wind and waves but Ocean, I can float to rythym and dive under waves....it's nice..anyway the screaming drew attention and a man broke I to the house and the ex bf was arrested and taken to jail,then extradited to Cali. For some other thing.....he left his car in front of my house for 6wks till city towering away..I think that's some of it