03-02-2018, 05:08 PM
Hi Fury,
I apologize for not touching base sooner, but I’ve been offline on-and-off for a couple of days due to house “issues.” I cannot express how sorry I am for your and your SO’s loss. I, too, remember you mentioning it a while back.
Although you say she is strong, she sounds so fragile at the same time. She is lucky to have you, someone who cares so deeply and is so attentive to her needs.
I’m happy to hear that she is avoiding alcohol and is working. I also support your idea about grief counseling groups. (At first they may seem a sham to her, i.e., “no one understands” my pain, which is completely understandable.) But, she’s now part of a club. I know a few women who've lost children. One of my best friends lost her 10-year-old only son; another mom lost her youngest child, the only boy, when he overdosed at 22 a couple of Easters ago. He was my son’s best friend. Another child who lived around the corner from me was killed at 17, speeding home to make curfew.
You’re right, this is a life-long process of learning to live with her loss. In addition to the physical grief-counseling meetings, perhaps your SO can get an online grief/child lose group to help with the times she’s alone. Others who understand her pain and will allow her to express her grief and understand it in ways those of us who have not gone through this experience will be able to help her embrace, process and somehow reconcile.
As to the clearing of her son’s room, I, too, feel this is something she should not be pushed to do. At least not initially. It's only been four months.
So many people in the community have given such helpful suggestions. I can only support these.
And please make sure you are taking care of your own emotional life and health.
Best,
BH
I apologize for not touching base sooner, but I’ve been offline on-and-off for a couple of days due to house “issues.” I cannot express how sorry I am for your and your SO’s loss. I, too, remember you mentioning it a while back.
Although you say she is strong, she sounds so fragile at the same time. She is lucky to have you, someone who cares so deeply and is so attentive to her needs.
I’m happy to hear that she is avoiding alcohol and is working. I also support your idea about grief counseling groups. (At first they may seem a sham to her, i.e., “no one understands” my pain, which is completely understandable.) But, she’s now part of a club. I know a few women who've lost children. One of my best friends lost her 10-year-old only son; another mom lost her youngest child, the only boy, when he overdosed at 22 a couple of Easters ago. He was my son’s best friend. Another child who lived around the corner from me was killed at 17, speeding home to make curfew.
You’re right, this is a life-long process of learning to live with her loss. In addition to the physical grief-counseling meetings, perhaps your SO can get an online grief/child lose group to help with the times she’s alone. Others who understand her pain and will allow her to express her grief and understand it in ways those of us who have not gone through this experience will be able to help her embrace, process and somehow reconcile.
As to the clearing of her son’s room, I, too, feel this is something she should not be pushed to do. At least not initially. It's only been four months.
So many people in the community have given such helpful suggestions. I can only support these.
And please make sure you are taking care of your own emotional life and health.
Best,
BH