Humorous Smilies

[Popster]

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[Charon]

oh, these r great.

so glad i checked before i may or may not, LOL, sign out for the evening.

but, i loved loved loved these.

a certain lines r killers. u guys make this place come alive. and, especially at nite. i can maybe do a smiley now.

so thank u so much for just being both of u.

u rule.

thank u both for sharing beautiful pics, funny posters, jokes, oh, everything including a kitchen sink i reckon.

so glad i checked before i rested. nice.

[Popster]

What a nice thing to say   Good night & sweet dreams

[IceWizard]

Irish Shakespear

There was once an Irish actor who did Shakespearean plays, but he had aged and could no longer remember his lines!


After many years, he finds himself in the GlobeTheatre in London , where they were prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says "This is a most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage carrying a rose.


You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."


The Irish actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he was practicing his line over and over again.


Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger, as directed, he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."


The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!


"You bloody fool!" he cried "You have ruined me!"


The Irish actor was bewildered "What happened, did I forget my line?"


"No!" screamed the director.


"You forgot the bloody rose!"

[Popster]

Reminds me of this true story.
Napoleon in a famous letter to his lover, asked her to NOT bathe as he was coming in a few days and yearned for her sweet smell

[IceWizard]

I find this humorous, but it really should be in the "No S#it" thread ... You be the judge ..


"And we never had a whole Mars bar until
1993"!!!
CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY
FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930’s,40's, 50's, and 60's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank Sherry while they
carried us and lived in houses made of
asbestos...

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, bread
and dripping, raw egg products, loads of
bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or
cervical cancer.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were
covered with bright coloured lead-based
paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking..

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos.

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm
and didn't open on a Sunday, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect old drink bottles and cash
them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers and Bubble Gum.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter, milk from the cow, and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because.......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and
play all day, as long as we were back when
the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we
were O..K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old boxes and then ride down the hill,
only to find out we forgot the brakes.

We built tree houses and dens and played in
river beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii ,
X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY , no video/dvd films, or colour TV no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...........
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

Only girls had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt,
and the worms did not live in us forever.

We caught tadpoles in not so clean streams
and cicadas - yellow mondays, cherrynoses, black princes, greengrocers, double drummers, red eyes.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot
Cross Buns at Easter time....

We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house
and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or
just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet because we didn't need to
keep up with the Jones's!

Not everyone made the rugby/football/
cricket/netball team. Those who didn't had
to learn to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT

Our teachers used to hit us with canes and
gym shoes and throw the blackboard rubber
at us if they thought we weren't concentrating....

We can string sentences together and spell and have proper conversations because of
a good, solid three R's education.

Our parents would tell us to ask a stranger
to help us cross the road.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we
broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for
their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge'
and 'Vanilla'

We had freedom, failure, success and
responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL !

And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others
who have had the luck to grow up as kids,
before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

PS -The big type is because at your age
your eyes are not too good anymore!

[IceWizard]

One For the Lawyers

A young law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student: "OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".

Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?"

Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer:

"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer

"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical.

Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.

And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."

[Charon]

never anticipated that Ice. *thank u*

[Popster]

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[IceWizard]

I like that one Popster! ... That is hiliaious ...