Humorous Smilies

[Charon]

   

[Charon]

   








                                                                                 

[Popster]

   



Lee Trevino:
Why I Mow My Own Yard

(A true story; you got to love him.)

One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a  professional
golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas, mowing his front lawn, as he always did.

A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, “Excuse me, do you speak English?"  

Lee responded,  “Yes Ma'am, I do."  

The lady then asked, “What do you charge to do yard work?”  

Lee said, "Well, the woman in this house lets me sleep with her."  

The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.

[willie33]

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[Linville]

willie ......Pop's is right ....I have missed a few of these "gems" Bowing down to you the Queen....

Lets see now who am I afraid of so that they will show in my house maybe, Scarlett Johansson, very afraid of her.

[Popster]

Not a LOL....but a smiley:

   

[Linville]

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we have seen this before but it is so funny I want to post again....

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[Popster]

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[IceWizard]

Pops .. Those not only true, they are funny as well! Thanks

ice

[IceWizard]

Great one liners about elections

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~


The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~


We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
~Aesop~


If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~


Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev~


When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~


Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~


Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
~Author unknown~


Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~Ronald Reagan~


Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~


I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, 1952~


A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~


I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~


Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~


There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on Congressmen.
~Will Rogers


We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate.
~Kin Hubbard~


(and they seem to ring true even today!)

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Okay ... A "little Johnny" Joke



Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. How will you support Jenny?"

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this.

So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."