Dementia Dilemma

[barq2]

A diagnosis of these diseases of the mind results in what I refer to as "Stolen Time".

That's a very good way to describe it. I find that quite a useful way to conceptualise it, so thanks for sharing that. It helps when you can find a way of articulating these things.

[Raven]

During the eight years which passed in between my Father's admission to the nursing home and his death this past March, I came to realize the following:

• Never assume that your parent does not comprehend their situation,
  
• Never assume that they do not recognize you as their son or daughter,
  
• Speak to them as you always have (even though they may give you no indication that they comprehend what you are saying),
  
• As best you can, always include them in family events and holidays.
  

It will be difficult on you and your family, but you must not leave them feeling abandoned. You will be rewarded at the end.

Black Bird

[Nonoo]

Hi Barq-
From my own personal experience with early dimentia
1st does your dad have a sence of humor .my mother suffered with very bad cognatibe imprment
.
As a proud mother I I approached the way I would a phisicaly illness .or flu and when we got to the doctors i asked could I join the doctor while he examined my mam .I explained to the doctor that my mom might be deficant in folic acid as she was forgetting little things I played it Down while giving my doctor the wink .
My doctor asked my mom to remember 3 words then went on to ask about her diet and general conversation coming to the end of the consultantation .he said oh can you remember the 3 words I asked you
She couldn't remember one .on the day the doctor explained about cognitive impairment and played it down knowing the heartbreak to the alternative .he referred her for brain scans .and it was basically a natural progression from there on .
Your dad deserves the right to say things he needs to say before dimentia catches a hold on him and at 85 he's doing well I know a woman in her late 40s doesn't know her kids and wants her mammy and daddy .
Iempatize with you .trust your gut .only you know the answers .your in my taights and prayers good luck
Nono

[Charon]

Prayers, love and HUGS, BARQ.

Please don't respond if to do so would make you feel badly again.

[Coffeelover]

During the eight years which passed in between my Father's admission to the nursing home and his death this past March, I came to realize the following:

• Never assume that your parent does not comprehend their situation,
  
• Never assume that they do not recognize you as their son or daughter,
  
• Speak to them as you always have (even though they may give you no indication that they comprehend what you are saying),
  
• As best you can, always include them in family events and holidays.
  

It will be difficult on you and your family, but you must not leave them feeling abandoned. You will be rewarded at the end.

Black Bird

Very good information. I’ve got a father in his early 90s, which I believe he 
has the start of dementia but when I went to his doc with him they just asked
simple questions and blew it off. My father is 100% Italian and loves people to
feel bad for him, he loves sympathy, so it’s hard. Especially I lost my mother almost
2 years now from grade 4 brain cancer, and she was only 59 when she passed. Life
can be very unfair, but she lasted 16 months, and never complained of headaches
or pain or anything. Nothing worse than watching a loved one decline in health. I was
fortunate enough that I was her caregiver, hardest year and a half of my life, did
things I never thought I would have to do, but you do whatever for the ones you
love. In that time I learned a lot about myself that I was able to take care of her
the way I did. Always tried to stay positive in such a rotten situation.

[Charon]

I am proud of you coffeelover. Whereas I am the youngest of four daughters, one of whom is a big shot doctor of medicine, I was the caregiver for both my parents.

The hospitals could do nothing. God bless you. It was a privilege and an honor to caregive my parents. Ten years apart. But I promised me father I would care for me mother. Run the Law Offices we had.

I am so grateful I was their caregiver. God bless you for being a good child. So many won't do caregiving. sighs.