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just a warning usurped from another forum
#11
As one (of no doubt MANY good folks belonging to this community) whose daily quality of life is directly impacted by/desperately relies on several types of reading material that I cannot simply get a hold of “elsewhere” or in person, this “trend” is immensely disturbing to me.
More and more I see financial services and institutions consolidating their holdings under vast “parent” companies, in effect reducing the overall “freedom of market choice”/relative anonymity of the individual using them.
With each merger, the “terms of service” are re-written to greater benefit said organizations and take power away from individuals, as well as creating a virtually interconnected “dragnet” that inevitably has a *much* higher success rate in identifying individual’s purchasing habits/repeatedly frequented vendors/companies, to the effect that it only seems like a matter of time before whatever current doors that remain open to be closed, often forever.

Major services that used to stand more or less alone or have minor partnerships like PayPal, national banks/accounts/cards offered by said institutions, eBay buying/selling & public info disclosures, major search engines like google, streaming entertainment platforms & distributors like iTunes/apple pay, cash apps like Venmo, Zelle, Wise (formerly transferwise), etc. etc. all seem to be finding more common ground & intersections, forming cross-platform agreements regarding record-keeping + open public disclosures/reports in response to increasing government pressure to yield to such inquiries, to the point where I’ve even lost track of “who” is owned by “what” and who stores/shares their information with one another ?

It cannot be a coincidence that as all of this is rapidly evolving and coalescing into some truly “big brother”  levels of interconnection & data surveillance, our precious vendors are dropping like flies on an autumn morning’s frost. This truly terrifies me to my core, and as hard as I try to make do and focus on my own life as much as possible, I cannot just put my head in the sand and pretend I do not see some form of total oblivion taking shape on the near horizon, and meanwhile I wrestle with some of my most severe OCD / intrusive thinking patterns I’ve ever encountered, wishing I could tell myself that I am just overreacting, yet being slapped in the face left and right by red flags and warning signs in the form of ever-escalating financial premiums for the goods I’ve come to rely upon for nearly 2 decades now, ever increasing shortages in supply/more and more limited menu items, and yet again, the realization that a substantial swath of what I once knew of as golden lifelines have been cut or frayed to ribbons in recent months/years, contrasted by many many years prior of successful operations & very limited “turbulence”, all but guaranteeing an adequate level of stability on the whole.

I once (and still do) consider/recognize myself as fortunate, as though I have virtually no friends/family to speak of, I was left with more financial flexibility than many others, as Charon so adequately and characteristically laments, regarding  ritually anyone unfortunate to be reliant on a single source of fixed income, worst of all from the government itself.

For so many years I was blissfully unaware of just how much more miserable life had the potential of becoming, as despite a *very* limited understanding of technology and how to protect one’s self against these aforementioned pitfalls  (now literally being laid left, right, and center, as well as potentially beneath one’s own feet if one is not constantly on what now feels like a “forced march”) - which seems destined to echo the trail of tears in terms of sheer bureaucratic barbarism and soullessness in the face of persecuting some of the most disadvantaged and downtrodden citizens of this world who deserve only the exact opposite of the fates they are being met with ? 

I’m not sure exactly when the ice really started to breakthrough at such an alarming rate (was it a year? No… more… 18 months? Two years? Three? I’ve long since stopped thinking in such broad terms and been grateful just to survive one month at a time.

At first I was optimistic, as it seemed there were at least a handful of “lesser”, but still very valuable/nigh essential resources and lifelines out there for most to stay afloat, and while luck can always be a bit crapshoot, it seemed like there was still enough of a “support infrastructure” to continue to help many of those most in need find there way.

More recently, however, I’ve since been gradually processing the grim realization that even such potential “saviors” are themselves being squeezed to the point of suffocation, as evidenced by such radical and prolonged (with no signs of respite ahead) increases in otherwise “standard” reading fare, with the more scarcely published magazines disappearing from print all together in a matter of months, if not less in some cases.

To me, this all circles around to a topic of discussion touched upon above (again, by Charon I believe), which is that those young and/or fortunate enough to be computer savvy have a definitive edge in this ever-emerging brave new world, because no matter how draconian the policies that stand may be, there are always those diamonds in the rough hiding in plain sight.
And I suspect whom are no doubt FAR more visible/accessible to those that understand how to read between the lines, invest & barter with cryptocurrencies, create very complex/nearly untraceable encrypted signals that are unlikely to ever be identified as such (or even if so, “not worth the effort” it would take to get a peak at a single individuals virtual actions, sophisticated networks that can leapfrog around the world so fast that few can be sure where they really “are” at a given moment, or “will be” in the next to come… and surely countless other means of protection such as deep-web URLs kept in the most tight-knit of circles that have yet to have ever been “broken”, etc. etc.

(my sheer lack of further examples should tell you what side of the fence I’m on, and why I should’ve studied computers/IT at least as a hobby in college…)
But all that being said, without the proper knowledge base to adequately guard one’s self against the many dangers of the lesser-known aspects of internet networking & its sub culture, trying to explore and understand said aspects may even be a worse idea than more conventional means, as whomever is on the other end of those sites/marketplaces is likely to be about as ruthless as they come, or at least have that inherent capacity, even if not often exercised. The reason being, mainly, that dark corners often attract dark things, and most would not be dwelling in the darkness without a very good reason/means of fending off “unwanted” or just “unknown” potential guests.

I honestly don’t know what direction to turn to, as even my more robust financial position at present (more like past at this point…) is getting absolutely steamrolled by a situation of immense fear/fervent demand, which is running directly counter to the supply end of the equation.

Man, I really suck, here I was trying to make a single statement/straightforward train of thought, and now I’ve gotten myself so worked up just by writing that I’ve got a million and one signals crossed up in my synapses ?‍♂️?‍♂️ I really wasn’t trying to ramble on as such, but I feel like every-time I let my guard down or get my hopes up for a brighter future for all, I come across some text or personally experience a situation that absolutely takes the wind out of all my sails and really lays me low ?

All I can say is how sorry I am to those people who I know to be far sicker than myself, with far fewer resources with which to part/allocate, yet still manage to keep their heads up and “fight the good fight” regardless of the odds and/or sheer degree of adversity present. May the lord watch over you and bless you all each in your turn ???
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#12
Oh i am getting ready to go home, as we say. I get no medical care. And it is getting so hard to live, to want to live, to be able to support the act of living.

And i was the youngest of 4 daughters, and i worked with me father doing taxes and then Wills and law to support him and me mother. I was his caregiver when his pancreatic cancer was taking him home. My medical doctor sister nor the other two would even visit him.

I did not marry as I now had my mother to support with our office. I was her sole caregiver ten yrs later. My sisters did not even visit her.

But those three stole the Will during the wake. ripped it up. and took the house in scarsdale. everything.the law practice.

So i live on my 1600 and my sisters don't even speak with me. They are all together for a week at a hotel.

Many a person whom grabbed wealth from a family but never did a damn thing to help that family during sickness and death, is living an easier life now.

Kinda an aside. I just am blown away by how my sisters treated my parents. Ignoring them.Letting me do everything. And now I am excluded.

Some people are ratz from birth. And they will lie to gain another's assets. Sighs.

I know, an aside, but I am blown away thinking of them now. And I whom helped everyone of them time and time again to raise their children and to care for our parents, is left to scrounge for food..

Some people are oblivious and rat bastards.
Angel  It is Well with My Soul  Angel
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#13
Oh my lord that’s horrible! I hate to say it, but this kind of reminds me of the way my entire mother’s side of the family treated each other, they were well off, had “plenty to go around” financially, yet every last one of them (my mother, 2 other sisters, and a brother who lived with my grandma till she passed away because he was severely schizophrenic), yet every one of them treated one another like they were the hell’s pawn of Satan himself, with the worst part maybe being that my uncle, despite his glaring issues, was the ONLY nice/honest one, who consistently showed than he had a real conscience/empathy for those around them.

The rest of them all tried to “play” my poor, dementia addled grandmother like a fiddle, with one of the aunts having a background in law, and having snaked out nearly a million dollars in inheritance (just pure liquid asset, not even real estate or anything!) that was meant to go to all 4 siblings in equal parts, with the exception of my uncle who was meant to have a live-in aid and essentially unlimited financial aid for the rest of his life because he could not work or “maintain” very well around others.

The other aunt was a shameless drug addict (not my mother, and not the one who ended up with the lions share of what rightfully belonged to them all - again, in particular my uncle) the second aunt arguably acted even more abhorrently, lying to expensive “concierge” doctors who would make house calls, just generally malingering and claiming vague and difficult to diagnose symptoms like fibromyalgia, neuropathic spinal pain, “severe” migraines, etc. etc. etc. when in reality she was in nearly perfect health and had just decrypted a taste for Valium and Percocet, both of which my poor grandma was prescribed for many years later in life. This second aunt (Mary) grew tired of the “meager” prescriptions she was getting and felt she deserved more, so she just took it… right out of the dozens of bottles on my bedridden grandmother’s bedside.

Eventually her doctors took notice of the diminishing supply (which was substantial to say the least, prior to anyone else getting their hands on it) when they confronted my grandma in the hospital about her medication habits, she was at a loss for words and ended up crying because she thought she was losing her mind to the point where she really HAD taken such massive “overdoses”, when in reality she went almost totally without any medications for either issue(s) (insomnia, anxiety in the form of panic episodes, and severe rheumatoid arthritis that left her bed/wheelchair bound), and in reality the culprit was my greedy aunt who managed to pocket close to 600 norco/Percocet and almost a thousand Valium!!!

It got so bad that they eventually “cut off” my grandmother while she was dying in a hospital bed, her last days/hours spent in agonizing pain and fear because of her own daughter’s wickedly selfish “habits”. The very same aunt also lead me to believe that she was in fact the primary beneficiary of the will and the arbitrator of distribution of assets so to speak, promising me a comfortable life and nice apartment/townhouse downtown… come to find out she never stood to inherit anything because she was already on disability, unemployment, welfare, food stamps, etc., you name it she was happily accepting said “aid” from the government and had nothing to do with my grandmas last will & testament, and she’d just been trying to sway my sympathies / entice me enough to come life with her/take care of her like I was the maid until “one day” I could have what I was supposedly “hers” (which was virtually nothing at all…)

And all the while, all three of them and even my grandmother would sit around and gossip and tell nasty stories about each other, all vying for the “limelight”, with the basic philosophy that “only the squeaky wheel the grease”.
I am/was so disgusted with all of them that I totally cut ties with that side of my family, and it’s been over a decade since I’ve spoken to any of them (sadly my uncle died in his early 60s from a lifetime of heavy-duty first generation antipsychotics, tryng to control his vivid hallucinations, but failing to do so and ultimately damaging his liver, kidneys, and heart beyond hope of repair.

I still cannot believe what your own siblings did to you though, as you are quite clearly far sicker than all of them combined ever were (again, barring the severe schizophrenia in my uncle), and to leave you with what I’m sorry to say has been such a meager monthly allotment, even to very minimalistic and self sufficient individuals out there (inflation sure can make it doubly as bad too), you’re one of the kindest and most thoughtful people I’ve ever encountered, and to think that they could allow you to live in such misery, to the point where you’re almost welcoming a peaceful end is just despicable. Some people truly have no conscience/soul left to lose…I’m so terribly sorry Sad
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#14
I feel terribly for your grandmother. There was no reason but a disturbed hatefulness to make her suffer so much.

I really appreciate your response. It is not my way to complain much, but I had thought back to all I had done, without concern, and then find out they are out whooping it up on vacation.

But you and I are different. We have a conscience and hearts. I am sorry u saw such horror in your family.

We shall inherit the kingdom of Heaven I pray. And we have no regrets on our behavior.

Thank you for your kindness. Have a glorious day and stay strong. HUGS.
Angel  It is Well with My Soul  Angel
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#15
Proverbs 14:

11 The house of the wicked will be overthrown, But the tent of the upright will flourish.

12 There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.

14 The backslider in heart will be filled with his own ways, But a good man will be satisfied from above.

15 The simple believes every word, But the prudent considers well his steps.

16 A wise man fears and departs from evil, But a fool rages and is self-confident.

19 The evil will bow before the good, And the wicked at the gates of the righteous.

20 The poor man is hated even by his own neighbor, But the rich has many friends.

21 He who despises his neighbor sins; But he who has mercy on the poor, happy is he.

22 Do they not go astray who devise evil? But mercy and truth belong to those who devise good.

25 A true witness delivers souls, But a deceitful witness speaks lies.

26 In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, And His children will have a place of refuge.

27 The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, To turn one away from the snares of death.

30 A sound heart is life to the body, But envy is rottenness to the bones.

31 He who oppresses the poor reproaches his Maker, But he who honors Him has mercy on the needy.

32 The wicked is banished in his wickedness, But the righteous has a refuge in his death.

33 Wisdom rests in the heart of him who has understanding, But what is in the heart of fools is made known.

34 Righteousness exalts a nation, But sin is a reproach to any people.

Proverbs 15:

3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place, Keeping watch on the evil and the good.

4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

5 A fool despises his father’s instruction, But he who receives correction is prudent.

6 In the house of the righteous there is much treasure, But in the revenue of the wicked is trouble.

7 The lips of the wise disperse knowledge, But the heart of the fool does not do so.

8 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, But the prayer of the upright is His delight.

9 The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, But He loves him who follows righteousness.

10 Harsh discipline is for him who forsakes the way, And he who hates correction will die.

12 A scoffer does not love one who corrects him, Nor will he go to the wise.

14 The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, But the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness.

16 Better is a little with the fear of the Lord, Than great treasure with trouble.

17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, Than a fatted calf with hatred.

21 Folly is joy to him who is destitute of discernment, But a man of understanding walks uprightly.

24 The way of life winds upward for the wise, That he may turn away from hell below.

25 The Lord will destroy the house of the proud, But He will establish the boundary of the widow.

26 The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord, But the words of the pure are pleasant.

27 He who is greedy for gain troubles his own house, But he who hates bribes will live.

28 The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.

29 The Lord is far from the wicked, But He hears the prayer of the righteous.

31 The ear that hears the rebukes of life, Will abide among the wise.

32 He who disdains instruction despises his own soul, But he who heeds rebuke gets understanding.

33 The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom, And before honor is humility.

Proverbs 16:

2 All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the spirits.

3 Commit your works to the Lord, And your thoughts will be established.

Everyone proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord; Though they join forces, none will go unpunished.

6 In mercy and truth, Atonement is provided for iniquity; And by the fear of the Lord one departs from evil.

8 Better is a little with righteousness, Than vast revenues without justice.

9 A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.

11 Honest weights and scales are the Lord’s; All the weights in the bag are His work.

12 It is an abomination for kings to commit wickedness, For a throne is established by righteousness.

16 How much better to get wisdom than gold! And to get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.

17 The highway of the upright is to depart from evil; He who keeps his way preserves his soul.

18 Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall.

19 Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly, Than to divide the spoil with the proud.

20 He who heeds the word wisely will find good, And whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he.

21 The wise in heart will be called prudent, And sweetness of the lips increases learning.

22 Understanding is a wellspring of life to him who has it. But the correction of fools is folly.

23 The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, And adds learning to his lips.

25 There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.

27 An ungodly man digs up evil, And it is on his lips like a burning fire.

28 A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends.

29 A violent man entices his neighbor, And leads him in a way that is not good.

30 He winks his eye to devise perverse things; He purses his lips and brings about evil.

31 The silver-haired head is a crown of glory, If it is found in the way of righteousness.

33 The lot is cast into the lap, But its every decision is from the Lord.

Proverbs 17

1 Better is a dry morsel with quietness, Than a house full of feasting with strife.

3 The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, But the Lord tests the hearts.

4 An evildoer gives heed to false lips; A liar listens eagerly to a spiteful tongue.

5 He who mocks the poor reproaches his Maker; He who is glad at calamity will not go unpunished.

He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends.

10 Rebuke is more effective for a wise man, Than a hundred blows on a fool.

11 An evil man seeks only rebellion; Therefore a cruel messenger will be sent against him.

12 Let a man meet a bear robbed of her cubs, Rather than a fool in his folly.

13 Whoever rewards evil for good, Evil will not depart from his house.

15 He who justifies the wicked, and he who condemns the just, Both of them alike are an abomination to the Lord.

19 He who loves transgression loves strife, And he who exalts his gate seeks destruction.

20 He who has a deceitful heart finds no good, And he who has a perverse tongue falls into evil.

23 A wicked man accepts a bribe behind the back, To pervert the ways of justice.

24 Wisdom is in the sight of him who has understanding, But the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.
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#16
Heart

i have been listening to the Word of God of late. You have encouraged me to only do my Bible today.

God bless you my friend. Glorious scripture.
Angel  It is Well with My Soul  Angel
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#17
mine also. that is what i was reading today.
Angel  It is Well with My Soul  Angel
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#18
and psalms.
Angel  It is Well with My Soul  Angel
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#19
I just thought about why it is so hard to survive now. I never took a salary cuz it was my parents and family i was supporting.

And tis why I was to get the house. and practice.

But my sisters all worked at big jobs, little jobs, and thievery, and so they have monies and receive monies monthly.

oh. The oldest one, said maybe i can handle seeing her *meaning me* at another reuinion in a year. When pigs fly.

Not to mention last nite i dreamt I was being prepared to be married to the Lord. Its a christian thing. But maybe this world is gonna end for me soon. Lord, i got so many illnesses, I wanna come home.
Angel  It is Well with My Soul  Angel
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#20
I swear, no one in the world will treat a person as badly or hurt them more than family. They always know exactly where to stick the knife!

Charon & Chinchillin777 I’m so sorry that your families are/have been so horrible! It boggles the minds of good people that some can even contemplate acting this way, especially to those we are meant to love & care for!  I guess that’s exactly why they get away with it.

Charon, I can only imagine what you are dealing with on a daily basis. But from the little you’ve shared I can understand how you feel tired & ready to head home. Just know there will be numerous celebrations for the end of your suffering & SUCH SADNESS at our own loss of such a light in the lives of so many.

Sending you many wishes of peace & comfort mentally, physically and spiritually.
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