Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

She was having fun

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, again,
asking why I didn't do something useful with my time,
"like sitting around the pool and drinking wine isn't a good thing."

Talking about my "doing-something-useful"
seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She is "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested,
I go down to the Senior Center, and hang out with the gals.

So, I did and when I got home,
decided to play a prank on her.

I sent her an e-mail saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.

She replied,
"Are you nuts? You're 78 years-old and
now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I told her that I even had a Membership Card
and e-mailed a copy to her.

Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled,
"Good grief, mom, where are your glasses?!
This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"Oh man, am I in trouble," I said,
"I signed up for five jumps a week!"

The line went dead.

Life as a Senior Citizen isn't getting any easier,
but sometimes it can be fun.



**********


Over heard at the senior's club meeting


I'm not the best looking guy.
Some would say I'm a little frayed
around the edges these days.

But, I have a nice motorcycle, a little money
and I spend most of my time casually riding
from place to place. 

I met a nice looking girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us.

She did this cute little dance then immediately dropped
to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet. 

As we lay there making love,
I thought,

"Damn, these taser guns are really worth the money!"


**********


Old timers ... Don't you just love em


I've been in many places,
but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go there alone.
You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito.
I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane.
They don't have an airport,
you have to be driven there.

I've made several trips there,
thanks to my children, friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions,
but you have to jump there and
I'm not into physical activity anymore.

I've also been in Doubt.
That is a sad place to go and
I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible,
but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable
and I go there more often as I get older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense!
It really gets the adrenaline flowing
and pumps up the old heart!
At my age, I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent
but I don't remember what country that was in.
It's an age thing.
They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

So any thoughts that direction, ....
Depends.



**********


I saw two male lions trying to screw each other by the side of the road.
I thought to myself "Have they no pride?


**********


Yesterday I got my permit to carry a concealed weapon.
So, today I went over to the local Gun shop to get a
Colt 9mm handgun, for home/personal protection.

When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said,
"Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to the government
about gun control wackos running amok,

I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided,
I found out she was referring to how I should place my
credit card in the card reader!

As a senior citizen, I do not get flustered often,
but this time it took me a while to get my pants back on.

I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear.
I still don't think I looked that bad!
I just need to wear underwear more often.