Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

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A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding
a coin. Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking,
shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue
business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping
a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down,
neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her
seat and makes her way, unhurriedly, across the book store.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants: takes the boys
testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then firmly.

After a few minutes the boy convulses violently and coughs up the
coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boys testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father
and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father
rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her asking,
"Are you a doctor"?

"No," the woman replied. 

"A divorce attorney".



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The Fortune Teller

After escaping from her overly controlling husband for the evening,
Jennifer sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute.

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball,
the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this,
so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow.

Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Then the soothsayer looked up and locked eyes with Jennifer,
who was visibly shaken at the news.

Jennifer stared back at the woman's lined face,
then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.

She simply had to know.
She looked back, deep into the fortune teller's gaze,
steadied her voice, and asked her question:

"Will I be acquitted?"