Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Obama the Saint?

Last Saturday afternoon in Washington, DC, an aide to President Barack Obama visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral in Washington.

He told the Cardinal that President Obama would be attending the next mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Obama to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Obama a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the man, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic church over certain of Obama's views!”

Obama's aide then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $10,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Obama as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."

As Obama's aide promised, Obama appeared for the Sunday worship and seated himself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle.

As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Obama was present.

The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation,

"While President Obama’s presence is probably an honor to some, the man is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of his views are contrary to tenets of the church, and he tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Barack Obama is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb-sucker and a nit-wit.

Barack Obama is also a serial liar, a cheat and a thief. I must say, Barack Obama is the worst example of a Christian I have ever personally witnessed.

He is a narcissist and is using his speaking ability to lie to the American people. He also has a reputation for shirking his obligations, both In Washington and everywhere else. The man is simply not to be trusted."

The Cardinal concluded, "But, when compared with Hillary Clinton, Obama is a Saint."

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Things May have Been Different... If They Would Have Had Jewish Moms...

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"After all the money your father and I spent on braces, this you call a smile?"
 
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER:
"I don't care what you've discovered, you didn't call, you didn't write."
 
MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"A ceiling you paint? Not good enough for you the walls, like the other children?
Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off the ceiling?"
 
NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"You're not hiding your report card? Show me!
Take your hand out of your jacket and show me!"
  
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Again with that hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
  
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac,
you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
     
THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Okay, so I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb.
Now turn it off already and go to sleep!"
     
PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man,
midnight is long past your bedtime!"
  
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Your senior photograph and you couldn't have done something with your hair?"
    
MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER:
"Desert, schmesert! Where have you really been for the last forty years?"
       
BILL GATES' JEWISH MOTHER:
"It would have killed you to become a doctor?"
  
BILL CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Well, at least she was a nice Jewish girl, that Monica."