Caregiving

[willie33]

Good to hear from you, Harley. we've missed you.

I believe you are a better caregiver than you give yourself credit for.

I've been in the caregiver position myself with my grandmother and my Dad who have both passed on.

It is really easy to get burnt out and exhausted. You will need some time for yourself. I hope you get a break soon.

Caregiving is the hardest job I've ever had in my entire life. Seriously.

I am not a good Caregiver at all. I do everything I need to do, plus more, but my heart is not in it at all so I personally get no self satisfaction......

Oh, Hi There everyone. Just stopping in, reading and taking a break whilst the Dryer does its own thing.

Miss my friends here and hopefully by June my role will come to an end for a few months break.

I

[Cricket]

Good to hear from you, Harley. we've missed you.

I believe you are a better caregiver than you give yourself credit for.

I've been in the caregiver position myself with my grandmother and my Dad who have both passed on.

It is really easy to get burnt out and exhausted. You will need some time for yourself. I hope you get a break soon.  

Caregiving is the hardest job I've ever had in my entire life.  Seriously.

I am not a good Caregiver at all.  I do everything I need to do, plus more, but my heart is not in it at all so I personally get no self satisfaction......

Oh, Hi There everyone.  Just stopping in, reading and taking a break whilst the Dryer does its own thing.

Miss my friends here and hopefully by June my role will come to an end for a few months break.

I

There's no harder job than being a caregiver. Especially when you need help too. It's very hard on you mentally and physically.
I hate myself still for bein' cross with me mom sometimes while caring for her. It's a 24 hr. job and can wear you down quickly.

Havin' been there, done that, my hat is off to anyone in that position. Most important thing is to find time for yourself to decompress a bit. You have to take care of yourself as well, or you will be needin' a caregiver too.

Cricket

[barq2]

There's no harder job than being a caregiver. Especially when you need help too. It's very hard on you mentally and physically.
I hate myself still for bein' cross with me mom sometimes while caring for her. It's a 24 hr. job and can wear you down quickly.

Havin' been there, done that, my hat is off to anyone in that position. Most important thing is to find time for yourself to decompress a bit. You have to take care of yourself as well, or you will be needin' a caregiver too.

Cricket

Cricket, I totally agree. I also know what you mean about getting cross with the person you are caring for. I find my dad incredibly frustrating because once he goes into total panic mode he cannot be reasoned with, so he is utterly exhausting. In my family we've found that no one can take more than three days of him at a time, otherwise you end up exploding (and of course then feeling guilty after). We have to make that time to "decompress" as you put it - good word for it.

[Cricket]

There's no harder job than being a caregiver. Especially when you need help too. It's very hard on you mentally and physically.
I hate myself still for bein' cross with me mom sometimes while caring for her. It's a 24 hr. job and can wear you down quickly.

Havin' been there, done that, my hat is off to anyone in that position. Most important thing is to find time for yourself to decompress a bit. You have to take care of yourself as well, or you will be needin' a caregiver too.

Cricket

Cricket, I totally agree. I also know what you mean about getting cross with the person you are caring for. I find my dad incredibly frustrating because once he goes into total panic mode he cannot be reasoned with, so he is utterly exhausting. In my family we've found that no one can take more than three days of him at a time, otherwise you end up exploding (and of course then feeling guilty after). We have to make that time to "decompress" as you put it - good word for it.

Hi Barq, nice to see ya,

Yep, being a caregiver is very hard. Especially when you have no one to help you. It's 24/7 stress.
I could never get much sleep at night. My mom was constantly callin' for me at all hours. I was a physical, mental wreck all the time. I felt I had no life because I couldn't go anywhere or visit friends.
Many times , probably from exhaustion, I would fuss at her even tho I knew she couldn't help it. To this day it bothers me that I acted that way and would gladly do it again if she was still here with me. She was the last family member I had left and it's very lonesome without her.

Havin' someone to take over to give you a break once in a while is very important. It's a full time job that can really take a toll on you.

To my mom,
I'm so sorry for being a bitch sometimes and hope you can forgive me. I love you and miss you very much.

Cricket

[barq2]

Hi Cricket, good to hear from you too.

I'm sure your mom would forgive you.  

The whole thing is such an odd process. You get the role reversal, they kinda stop being your parent and now you are responsible for them. Then there is the constant anxiety and lack of sleep - and I'm sure that's why we get cranky. My father is very deaf so he often mishears and then I can't work out why he is answering in a way that makes no sense. If I realise he hasn't heard, I speak louder, but then he asks why I'm angry. I explain I'm not angry, I'm just speaking louder. (Of course at this point I'm starting to get a bit mad!)

As you say, a break is so important. I also think it puts real strain on siblings where some people are doing more care giving than others. Some will claim that other factors like job, kids, etc, exempt them from doing as much. There is no easy answer. 

Have to say I'm shattered from 4 hours sleep a night since the start of the year. I work long hours, and then have to use all my time off to care-give (plus travel - four hours each way). My house is in such an unbelievable mess! I make time for the laundry because I need to wear clothes, but everything else... I can't remember when the floor last got swept! I expect many others are in the same situation with trying to work and also caregive - after all those bills don't pay themselves just because you have a sick relative.

The sad thing is, that in the past my parents are the people I'd have talked to about a problem like this. They'd have listened, then given wise advice. They are still physically here, but that type of relationship has now ended. However, I'm lucky there's still time to say some of the things that need to be said. e.g. I'm stereotypically English in not showing emotions. Saying "I love you", outside of a romantic relationship, doesn't come easily. That's how I was brought up - I don't ever remember my parents saying they loved me. Love was there, but never explicit. Now I make sure I always use the word "love" when I say goodbye. One day, it will be the last goodbye.

Writing this makes me realise I'm anticipating bereavement. Perhaps that's why my siblings find it hard to talk - maybe it is too painful for them. It's good to know we have this forum where online friends and strangers offer each other supportive advice.

Take care of yourself Cricket. Sounds like you did a heroic job for your mom, so don't beat yourself up.