Hi everyone. sad soul with a ton of depression and anxiety.

[cutstack]

Thank you so much guys and gals for the welcome and advice. I will look into mirtzazapine. I'm so desperate at this point. I'm just so very desperate and need help.

[cutstack]

Hi cutstack, Welcome to this special place! Folks have been so kind here. I am in kind of the same boat and it is tough! I promise there is no magic pill that will cure you and I do not mean that in a discouraging way! As bad as things can get, everyday we wake up and walk this wonderful world is a gift! Try your best to look at the beauty and kindness, and ignore the A-Holes and do not let them bring you down, feel sorry for them. Hang in there and I hope things improve for you! Best to you! ff

Thank you for the uplifting message. I am actually weaning myself off benzos using a ambien which i am dosing multiple times a day. lets hope i can stick this out and be benzo free because i know benzos have way worse withdrawals than ambien so if I can use ambien to get through this, i see a light at the end of the tunnel.

[Charon]

Good luck, cutstack. Be careful to not get overly fond of ambien once u taper down.

Let us know. Many of us are keeping you in prayer.

[cutstack]

Good luck, cutstack.  Be careful to not get overly fond of ambien once u taper down.

Let us know.  Many of us are keeping you in prayer.

Thank you so much for your kind words Charon. I don't mean to be a sour puss but i see people happy walking the streets and I just wish I could be a normal person that appreciates music, and so much of the things that others enjoy. The gym used to be something I looked forward to, now I dread going there and seeing people I know. I want to go back to school but I don't think I am capable in the current mental state I am in. I am trying everything I can to normalize. I just want to be a normal person with a social life who can talk to people without my anxiety taking over. I do believe kicking the benzo habit is s good first step. Right now I have ambien on the way from 2 iops on here. I am truly hoping for the best. I am so upset at my parents for not getting me the mental help I needed when i was a young child.

[Charon]

I am sorry. But, many a parent would state that they won't get mental health care for their child. Many of my generation were told to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps. It was also perceived as an area for shame for some parents.

But, now, u can get all the help u need.

Because academia was so important in my family, i forced myself to go through. I received validation and what i perceived as love from pleasing my teachers with top grades.

And, people have shared with me their problems since i was quite young in grammar school. To help others, I had to go outside my comfort zone.

For me, I did go thru freudian analysis. I cannot say it helped. I had wanted to be a psychiatrist, so I did my own studies of my patterns of behavior and how to change them.

It was very difficult for me to be around the normals also. They never had the goals nor compassion that I expect to see in another human.

Hang tough. It does get easier. (For me, I did take one valium when I had a pressing need to do public speaking in school. Sometimes for the courtroom.)

Small talk with people outside your life rather becomes a learned habit.

I wish you nothing but the best. I don't want u to be sitting inside, looking at everyone else living.

I know that feeling. For me now, it is because I am disabled. Tad bit more difficult to even pretend I can live as a normal person again.

But, I have learned to ignore shyness, and let them think and say what they want. I can talk to people. i can appreciate music.

It will get better. We are here for you.

[IceWizard]

cutsack.... We're all pullin for ya here... I know that just don't cut it sometimes...

Myself, I'm Bi.... Bi-Polar that is Some dayz are freakin fantastic... I laugh at most anything and just love a good joke or just being out and about... Wonderful!

BUT (there's always a but) there come those days that I can't stand to even be around folks... I come off as real real rough! See I don't have the urge to do myself harm... It's the other folks I worry about... It's during those times I usually just withdraw... It's for the best... It comes and goes and most of the time, there's no warning that it's coming!

I've tried all kinds of junk from docs (medical and mental) and when they say "practicing medicine" they really mean it... What works on some has undesired effects on another...

Nobody knows whats going on with you better than you, now I'm not suggesting not to go to docs, just gotta keep your eyes open to what they're doin to ya!

I still use zannies, but only on occasions... I never wanted to be dependant one something that they could jerk out from under me! That and I just don't want to HAVE to have anything!!

But just as FF said, you really have to look past all the world's ugly and see the true beauty we still have... Everyday above ground is a great day(unless you're a coal miner) We just have to see it for what it is ... A blessing

If you ever just need to vent, hey we have the time....

Take care my friend..

Ice

[Tbaronfl]

Welcome Cutstack. We can all relate to your pain in one way or another. Some personally, some through our loved ones. Just know that you are accepted here. You will find the members understanding and helpful. Keep sharing, keep trying, keep being open as much as you can.

[Dancing Wolf]

Welcome Cutstack!

This is a great group. You will find others here have problems similar to yours, you can find information & encouragement.
Some very caring and intelligent people here. I fight depression and anxiety daily, insomnia also, among other things myself.
It helps to share with others and sometimes it's difficult for those close to us to understand.
Here is a place you can be understood and receive support coping with your issues.

Wish you the best.

[Rumor]

Hi Cutstack,
I think that you can tell that many of us can relate to your experiences.
I happen to work in a behavioral health clinic. One of the things we started to do last year, because the psychiatrists were getting frustrated with "practicing" medicine, is doing a Genesight test.
We use it to test people to see which antidepressants, antipsychotics and pain management medications are best for someone. The report looks like a traffic light for each category. It indicates which are the best and worst medications for your genetic make up. I, of course, had it done out of curiosity.

The most interesting thing that I learned about myself, had nothing to do with medications, per se, but that I was not properly metabolizing folic acid. Lack of folate can contribute to depression. I just started on a regime of folic acid, b-12, and the other "B's" like a prenatal vitamin, trying a few different brands to see if, over the next few months, it makes a difference.

Just a little different way of looking at our situations. Something different will work for each of us. You are far from being alone. All the Best, Rumor

[Linville]

Hi Cutstack,
I think that you can tell that many of us can relate to your experiences.
I happen to work in a behavioral health clinic. One of the things we started to do last year, because the psychiatrists were getting frustrated with "practicing" medicine, is doing a Genesight test.
We use it to test people to see which antidepressants, antipsychotics and pain management medications are best for someone. The report looks like a traffic light for each category. It indicates which are the best and worst medications for your genetic make up. I, of course, had it done out of curiosity.

The most interesting thing that I learned about myself, had nothing to do with medications, per se, but that I was not properly metabolizing folic acid. Lack of folate can contribute to depression. I just started on a regime of folic acid, b-12, and the other "B's" like a prenatal vitamin, trying a few different brands to see if, over the next few months, it makes a difference.

Just a little different way of looking at our situations. Something different will work for each of us. You are far from being alone. All the Best, Rumor

Hi Rumor
Very interesting post .
Is it ran with a blood test or something else for like a DNA saliva sample?

Thanks for posting.....Rumor this does sound very helpful