IOPList.Org

Rabbis confirm watching
‘The View’ will atone for half your sins







Rabbis from around the world have signed onto a letter stating that
watching the daytime TV show ‘The View’ will atone for half your sins.

“The only thing worse than eternal purgatory is watching The View,” the
letter states in part. “The show’s hosts include some of the most insufferable
people on the planet, from constitutional scholar Whoopi Goldberg to political
analyst Joy Behar, to the perpetually confused Sunny Hostin. It’s hard to
envision the anguish and misery that one must endure watching the show.
Although we are very thankful to Megan McCain for being a shining light in
such a dark world.”

The letter concludes by stating that, “In consideration of the above, we attest
with absolute certainty that watching The View will atone for half a man’s sins,
no questions asked.”

A local rabbi commented on the letter. “This was a long time coming,” he said
in a statement to the Jerusalem Post. “As Jews we’ve been through four exiles
from Jerusalem, libels, pogroms and even mass murder, but nothing even comes
close to the suffering we’ve endured watching The View for all these years.
If this goes on any longer, I think the Messiah will arrive sooner than we expect.”

The same Rabbis followed up with another letter stating that watching Brian Stelter’s
‘Reliable Sources’ will wipe away your sins completely.

In genius move, Trump puts all of
Congress in maximum security federal
prison for last act as president







(WASHINGTON, DC)—

In a move that some are calling the most ingenious political maneuvers
of all time, President Donald Trump has somehow placed the entire
US Congress in a maximum security federal prison in his last major
action as president.

The approval rating for Congress is at an all time low under 15 percent
and most Americans believe they should all be thrown in jail.

“Well, you got your wish!” Trump said at a press conference announcing
the new Capitol prison. “The great thing is that they through we were
securing them. They asked for the fence and the guards. Little did they
know that they were asking for their own prison.”

Each congressperson will receive meals and a place to sleep.

“They’ll even be able to pretend to keep working. It’s a great plan,”
Trump said.

The recipients of the stolen 2020 election Joe Biden and Kamala Harris
will also be thrown in the prison as the “inauguration” will be held on the
Capitol prison grounds.

Biden's Got Locked Out of the White House

But they called a locksmith and got in anyway ...

Satan follows Big Tech’s lead,
bans Trump from Hell





(HADES)—

Today, Satan tweeted out that, effective immediately, Trump and
his supporters will be banned from every circle of Hell.

“Effective immediately, for as long as I remain the Prince of Darkness,
@Donald Trump and his supporters will be banned from ever entering
any circle of Hell. Trump’s psychotic obsession with truth, fairness, and
equal treatment under the law are absolutely offensive to everything we
stand for in Hell. His unwillingness to accept fraud makes him unfit
for a community built on lies.”

In a separate Tweet, Asmodeus, the Archdemon of Lust, declared, “I, for one,
can no longer stand by and remain silent in the face of @Donald Trump’s hateful
opposition to abortion, his disgusting sanctuary policies giving succor to those who
follow the Eternal One’s archane rules forbidding sodomy and defining sex according
to a person’s biological makeup. Let there be no mistake. On my watch, Hell
will always remain a safe place for those who wish to practice deviant sexual behavior.”

Hell now joins Twitter, Facebook, Google, and Apple, along with a growing list of thrones,
dominions, principalities and powers, in banning Donald Trump and his 75,000,000 voters.

“@Donald Trump’s grotesque support of fanatical Jews and Christians who actually serve God,”
Satan went on to say, “is dangerous to everything we in Hell have worked for since the
beginning of time. His undemocratic opposition to Communism, Socialism, and Anarchy,
and his reprehensible insistence on the value of family, tradition, and national identity,
have done lasting harm to society.”

Satan also lamented the ever-worsening pandemic of peace in the Middle East, which he said,
“jeopardizes Beelzebul’s venerable legacy and over four millennia of hard-fought victories”
in the region.

“That’s why,” Satan tweeted, “after much deliberation, and after consulting the Infernal Council
of Archdemons [which includes such heavyweight devils as Asmodeus, Moloch, Mephistopheles,
and Balaam], I have decided that Donald J. Trump and all those who enable him, who voted
for him, who serve in his Administration, and who stand with him in Congress, are unwelcome
anywhere in Hell and are permanently banned. Hell is a tolerant community, but the nightmarish
spectacle of the last four years can’t be allowed to go unpunished.”

The 2021: Unveiling The Articles Interview

OMG Who did this??? ???

Well Ain’t That Special -
Impeachment Special

BREAKING:
Trump replaces impeachment team
with Zoom call cat lawyer






Former President Donald Trump was unhappy with his impeachment
lawyer Bruce Castor’s opening argument on the Senate floor Tuesday,
two people familiar with his reaction told Genesius Times.

As a result, Trump has fired the entire team and replaced it with the
impressive cat lawyer from Texas, Rob Ponton.



Kat Lawyer From Texas


Trump was nearly screaming as Castor struggled to get at the heart of
his defense team’s argument, which is supposed to be over the
constitutionality of holding a trial for a president no longer in office.

“Ratings were a disaster,” Trump said. “He just rambled on about
nothing for an hour. The cat lawyer guy is going to be tremendous.
We’re going to get huge ratings, believe me.”

The Senate voted to proceed with the unconstitutional impeachment
and will argue the case tomorrow and Thursday.

“The cat lawyer guy will be front and center for the rest of the proceedings.
People can’t get enough of him
He’s going to do great things for this country,” Trump said.