IOPList.Org

******************************************************


A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding
a coin. Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking,
shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue
business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping
a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down,
neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her
seat and makes her way, unhurriedly, across the book store.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants: takes the boys
testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then firmly.

After a few minutes the boy convulses violently and coughs up the
coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boys testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father
and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father
rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her asking,
"Are you a doctor"?

"No," the woman replied. 

"A divorce attorney".



******************************************************




The Fortune Teller

After escaping from her overly controlling husband for the evening,
Jennifer sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute.

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball,
the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this,
so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow.

Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Then the soothsayer looked up and locked eyes with Jennifer,
who was visibly shaken at the news.

Jennifer stared back at the woman's lined face,
then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.

She simply had to know.
She looked back, deep into the fortune teller's gaze,
steadied her voice, and asked her question:

"Will I be acquitted?"

Things That Make You Say .... WHAT?!?


Why do supermarkets make the sick walk
all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions
while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Why do banks leave vault doors open
and then chain the pens to the counters?

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways
and put our useless junk in the garage?

EVER WONDER...
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara
with their mouths closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline
'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring,
and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money
called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?